Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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Acceptance and Doubts

Question:

I have recently realized in the past few days that I am a lesbian. This came after months of confusion and I was beyond ecstatic when I figured it out. Now I am having doubts. Despite the fact that I find the thought of a relationship with a guy to be kind of repulsive; I am noticing an occasional attraction. Sometimes I walk into class, see a cute guy, and am drawn to him. All the while I know I could never date him. As soon as I notice this I am able to shake it off. By the time I have left class I am back to myself. This has caused me to have doubts. Is this all part of the acceptance process? Or is is likely that I’m not actually lesbian? I also fear that I am decieving myself and just looking for attention or something. But then again I have only come out to my sister and it was a nerve racking experience.
Thank you!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

First of all, I think it’s very courageous of you to be so open about your feelings and to ask the questions that you want answers to. It’s perfectly natural to be questioning your  attractions. You are not alone in your struggle to identify what you are feeling and who you are attracted to romantically, it’s a normal part of getting older and growing as a person.

I must tell you, there is no black or white answer for your questions. First, I think it’s important that you understand what you are going through is normal. Asking yourself these question may help you to answer some of these questions…When you find yourself daydreaming or thinking about the future, who do you see yourself with the most, a guy or a girl? Who do you enjoy being around, talking to more? Physical attraction is only part of it, but it is important, are you physically attracted to guys only or just girls? These are questions you are already asking yourself and it may take time for you to answer. As you grow, your feelings may become stronger for one or the other, or become stronger for both.

For more information about what it means to be a lesbian you can visit   http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177, where you’ll find the brochure ”I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?”  “PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out.

I want you to know you are a special and unique individual, I wish you the best in the future. If you feel like you need someone else to talk to, I always recommend http://www.trevorspace.org, where you’ll find tons of other people your age going through very similar things, or calling in to the Trevor Lifeline (1-866-488-7386). We really are all in this together, and we certainly have your back!

We love you!

Trevor Staff