Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Acceptance and Doubts

Question:

I have recently realized in the past few days that I am a lesbian. This came after months of confusion and I was beyond ecstatic when I figured it out. Now I am having doubts. Despite the fact that I find the thought of a relationship with a guy to be kind of repulsive; I am noticing an occasional attraction. Sometimes I walk into class, see a cute guy, and am drawn to him. All the while I know I could never date him. As soon as I notice this I am able to shake it off. By the time I have left class I am back to myself. This has caused me to have doubts. Is this all part of the acceptance process? Or is is likely that I’m not actually lesbian? I also fear that I am decieving myself and just looking for attention or something. But then again I have only come out to my sister and it was a nerve racking experience.
Thank you!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

First of all, I think it’s very courageous of you to be so open about your feelings and to ask the questions that you want answers to. It’s perfectly natural to be questioning your  attractions. You are not alone in your struggle to identify what you are feeling and who you are attracted to romantically, it’s a normal part of getting older and growing as a person.

I must tell you, there is no black or white answer for your questions. First, I think it’s important that you understand what you are going through is normal. Asking yourself these question may help you to answer some of these questions…When you find yourself daydreaming or thinking about the future, who do you see yourself with the most, a guy or a girl? Who do you enjoy being around, talking to more? Physical attraction is only part of it, but it is important, are you physically attracted to guys only or just girls? These are questions you are already asking yourself and it may take time for you to answer. As you grow, your feelings may become stronger for one or the other, or become stronger for both.

For more information about what it means to be a lesbian you can visit   http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177, where you’ll find the brochure ”I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?”  “PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out.

I want you to know you are a special and unique individual, I wish you the best in the future. If you feel like you need someone else to talk to, I always recommend http://www.trevorspace.org, where you’ll find tons of other people your age going through very similar things, or calling in to the Trevor Lifeline (1-866-488-7386). We really are all in this together, and we certainly have your back!

We love you!

Trevor Staff