Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Acceptance and Doubts

Question:

I have recently realized in the past few days that I am a lesbian. This came after months of confusion and I was beyond ecstatic when I figured it out. Now I am having doubts. Despite the fact that I find the thought of a relationship with a guy to be kind of repulsive; I am noticing an occasional attraction. Sometimes I walk into class, see a cute guy, and am drawn to him. All the while I know I could never date him. As soon as I notice this I am able to shake it off. By the time I have left class I am back to myself. This has caused me to have doubts. Is this all part of the acceptance process? Or is is likely that I’m not actually lesbian? I also fear that I am decieving myself and just looking for attention or something. But then again I have only come out to my sister and it was a nerve racking experience.
Thank you!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Jessica -

Thanks for your email.  We’re glad you’ve taken the time to write to us.  It sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of new feelings and trying to make sense of them all – which is very common and entirely normal.  Having a mixture of feelings is natural, and defining them is sometimes more difficult than one would think.  So this is a great time to start thinking about what you want.

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.  You mention feeling attracted to guys sometimes, although you feel you are essentially a lesbian.  Sexuality is complex and fluid – and difficult to define.  You may well fall somewhere on the scale of bisexuality.

It can be scary to try and choose a category for yourself, so take your time.  And know that you don’t ever have to choose one label or another if you don’t want to.  These terms exist only to help us understand ourselves and connect with others.  And since there are many variations of sexuality, you may or may not find that one label suits you more than another.  It’s all ok.  Whomever you choose to love in a romantic way will be lucky – and you will be lucky to experience that fantastic feeling.  You can also find more information on bisexuality at http://www.bisexual.org if you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG”.

You may want to find a trusted friend or adult to discuss some of this with.   But please stay in touch with us, too!  You can always reach us by phone on The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, and online via TrevorChat and TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

We’re always here for you!

Sincerely -

Trevor

 

Trevor Staff