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***Again, connected to all my questions*** He’s doubting himself.

Question:

Yesterday, he got in a fight with a “friend”, that he knew before he got sad, and then once he got really sad she just forgot about him, like she didn’t care. I’ll try to explain this the best I can, he gave his phone to his friend he’s actually with, so his friend could communicate with me. His two friends he’s living with right now (He ran away from home), had no idea what he was going through until I told them. Anyways, he got in a fight with a “friend”, who neglected him after he got sad, so when his friend got his phone, a month earlier, when his friend had played with his phone, apparently, they had a “bad past”, when his friend was on his phone the last time, about a month ago. So, yesterday, she told her friend that his friend (His friend who has his phone’s name is Kyle and the guy who I’ve been talking about the whole time’s name is Nico. The “friend”, who no longer cares about him is Taylor. His other friend he’s living with is Colette.) The fight with Taylor about how she was saying she cared, and that she demanded respect from Kyle. And then I stepped in, saying Kyle had done nothing. And that she has no idea what’s going on in Nico’s life right now, because she doesn’t. And then she called me a dumb ass, Nico commented that she wanted respect from Kyle yet she called me a dumb ass, so she then said she didn’t want respect. It took a while, for her to say she was wrong. She did, and Nico couldn’t give up until she did. After that, he talked to Kyle about how he wanted to feel better… and he was good for the night, now today, he said he doesn’t want to feel better, because he doesn’t deserve it. He truly does deserve to be better, I need to somehow convince him he does. He always tells himself it’s his fault, when it’s really not. I need to give him a reason to believe it’s not him that’s the problem and that he’s done nothing wrong. I have six days until his date, and Kyle will call the police if he thinks he’ll do it. But that will only save his life, not help him. I realized what he meant by “I need help, but I don’t want it”, what he wrote in his diary, he does want help, but he feels he doesn’t deserve it.

Thank you so much for helping with the past letters. I’d like to ask you please help again. Thanks! -Rebecca

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Rebecca,

I’m glad you reached out again—Nico really is lucky to have a friend who cares this much about him and works so hard to help him.

You’re right—he does deserve to be better. And he needs get in direct contact with trained adults as soon as possible. You mentioned he has had trouble speaking—has he been able to call the Trevor lifeline (866-488-7386) yet? Trained volunteers who have lots of experience with these situations are standing by ready to talk to him, available 24/7. If he’s uncomfortable calling, maybe you could arrange for one of his friends to be in the room with him while he makes the call, in order to put him more at ease?

If he can’t speak or would prefer not to, send him the link embedded here. TrevorText, TrevorChat, TrevorSpace, and AskTrevor are all great options for him to get in direct contact with trained adults who care about him and want to help—and all he has to do is type. It sounds like he doesn’t have enough allies right now. He needs to add to the amazing support he’s getting from you and get support from as many people as possible. Also—what state does he live in? There are likely local resources we can direct him to. We’re concerned about the fact that he has run away from home and doesn’t seem to be getting support or attention from any adults.

Suffering physical violence can have many effects in addition to bodily injuries. It can cause intense self-loathing and feelings of worthlessness. You did a great job of being so supportive and telling him he didn’t deserve to get beaten up. But these emotions can be powerful and hard to resist—he is in a serious situation and needs more help than you alone can give him.

Has he received medical attention for his injuries? He should seek medical attention as soon as possible. Encourage him to be honest with his doctor about what happened and what he’s feeling. Doctors keep everything a patient says confidential—a doctor could be a very helpful person for him to open up to.

As for Taylor—sometimes people become overwhelmed when bad things happen to their friends and they can’t figure out how to respond. It’s likely that she is simply upset and scared and doesn’t know what to do or say about how she feels. She probably hasn’t really forgotten about him. Maybe you could reach out to her and discuss how she’s feeling? Maybe if she gets a better handle on her own feelings about what happened to Nico, she can start being a more supportive friend to him. In general, it sounds like it might be helpful for you to have a more thorough conversation with Kyle, Taylor, and Colette about what’s going on with Nico and how they can help.

Once again—make sure Nico knows to call 911 or to go to the nearest emergency room if he thinks he is in immediate danger of trying to kill himself.

This has clearly been an intense and upsetting experience. Don’t underestimate the emotional impact Nico’s troubles have had had on you—take care of yourself, and please feel free to write back or use any of the other Trevor services (including the lifeline) to talk about how you’re doing and what you’re feeling.

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff