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Am i bi, straigh or a lesbian???


I am a fourteen years old girl and live in the Netherlands.
In 8th grade i had a crush on this girl in my class.
After 2 weeks the feelings for went away. I just though it was a fase, everyone has that.
A year after that i had a crush on a guy in my class. So i thought like, i am not a lesbian because i’ve had a crush on a guy…..
Last summer i went to Italy with my best friend. There was this animation team, they organized things to do during the day and made shows in the evening. We went there every evening. There was a girl who was super hot, she could dance very good and gave salsa dance lessons at the camping. She always wore tops and short skurts and sexy dresses. The first day i saw her dance i immidiately had a crush on her. The crush got bigger and bigger every night i watched her. I was with my best friends family, and she has a annoying little brother and niece. There were also two hot guys on the animation team. So her brother and niece teased us that we had a huge crush on them etc. My best friend told me that she really did had a crush on one of them. Then i pretended to had a crush on the other one.
I hadn’t told my best friend that i had a crush on this girl.
One night we both couldn’t sleep. Then we started to tell our secrets to eachother. She said here secret, and i though i think i have to tell her that i had a crush on a girl. I didn’t knew how to tell her because i have known here for like for 8 years. Eventualy she guessed it. And she asked if i was bi or a lesbian. I said i was bi because i also had a crush on that boy in 8th grade. We talked a lot and she was totally fine with it.
Then we went back to school. I really missed the girl i had a crush on. And i got really sad. I only saw my best friend a athletics practise two times a week. She didn’t went to my school. I felt really lonely. She also missed the guy she had a crush on. We talked a lot on facebook and we got closer every day. But at school it didn’t went so good for me, i really missed this girl even thouhg we never talked or met, i only took a picture with her. I also had a hard time to deal with me being bi-sexual. After a couple weeks i talked with a teacher at school. And that helped me a lot. It went a little better at school.
Then i decided to not think about it for a couple weeks. Now it goes great with me at school.
But i am really scared that if i come out to everyone, they will think it’s just a fase because i have never dated and kissed a guy or girl. And that if i finally kiss a girl or date with a girl that it appears that i am not bi-sexual and i don’t like girls. Or that it appears that i am a lesbian and not bi. And then i am scared that people will laugh at me and bully me because i changed up my mind. I also feel like when you are gay or a lesbian or straight you choose one side. But when you are bi you sort of don’t know what to choose so you choose both sides. I think that if you are bi you will not get excpeted by people because you can’t choose. And that if i date a girl that she might think it is grose that i also date men. Does that make sense at all? My question is, does this mean i might not be bi or a lesbian. And that i should wait coming out untill i am older?

Letter submitted by:


Dear Blondie,

First off I’d like to say I think you should wait a bit before ‘coming out’.  Not because it is a matter of being older, but more a matter of being sure.  You are only now discovering who you are, that takes time.  It is normal for people to take years to understand their feelings.  There is no need to label yourself as anything until you are ready to do so.  It is also quite normal to have crushes on both boys and girls.  Sexual orientation is more than just crushes and involves emotional and physical feelings as well as romantic.  Give yourself time to explore those feelings

I think it’s great that you have a friend you can confide in as well as a teacher at your school.  Being able to talk openly often helps us think more clearly.You are smart to seek answers and I commend you for being brace enough to ask, just don’t rush yourself.

In ifIf you haven’t already you may want to join TrevorSpace which is a social media where many questions youth such as yourself can share their feelings and questions.

Trevor Space –

Again, I want to commend you for reaching out.  Remember we are always here if you have any questions.

Trevor Staff