Ask Trevor

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Am I bi?!

Question:

Hi Trevor, I am 20 years old. I am so confused about my sexuality. If you find girls attractive just as much as you do guys, does this make you bi? I have felt like this my entire life and thought it was just a stage but now I’m pretty much grown and I think I might have a crush on a girl. But I don’t know, please help. This site is very good, thanks so much =)

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi There! Sexuality isn’t an easy topic, for any of us, so remember that these questions are perfectly normal and are to be expected. There are things you can do to further explore these questions, so let’s dive a little deeper.

The fact that you have felt this way your entire life is significant and may be an indicator, but still, sexuality is very much a fluid and unfixed thing for some. A great resource on bisexuality can be found here: http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/BisexualityResourcePacket.pdf – so check this out and write down any questions you may have. With those questions, I suggest you identify a trusted adult, parent, friend or counselor and that you discuss your questions in a open, honest and trustworthy environment.

In trying to further understand your sexuality, it might also help to remember that sexual orientation involves many things. It involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, guys or both. I know you mention that you currently have a crush on a girl. Have you also had time(s) where you have had a crush on a guy? If so, this is perfectly normal and could very well mean that you are blind to gender and instead are looking at the personality and soul of each individual, which is a beautiful gift.

One resource that I think could be really helpful for you is what we call TrevorSpace, www.trevorspace.org, which is a safe online network for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24, their friends and allies. Here you’ll find a supportive community comprised of people with the similar questions and who are also on journeys of exploration in regard to their sexual orientation. Additionally, you can check out TrevorChat, http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat, which is a confidential instant messaging chat service where you’ll be able to talk in real-time to a Trevor volunteer. This is yet another way that you can talk through and explore this topic. We’re here for you and want to help you in whatever way we can.

And while it seems like you are in a good place at a moment, we have to remember that there are always tough times, and it’s so easy and normal to find ourselves either depressed or in need of some serious encouragement. With that being said, don’t forget that we also have the Trevor Lifeline, which is available to you 24/7/365 for a listening ear and support, 1-866-488-7386. Again, we’re here for you – to support and champion you – and we want you to live your fullest life and to be your true self. Keep your head held high and be proud of yourself.

~ Trevor