Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Am I Lesbian or just bisexual?

Question:

I’m a chica (girl) I’m 15 going on 16 in a few months ( I’m not open about this to any one but my past female partners). I need to know am i just bisexual or am i leaning more toward girls than guys? I have always liked girls and guys in the second grade even before i could even think of figuring out who i am i kissed a girl but that was my first elementry school kiss i never kissed any one not even a guy after that until 5th grade and that was because i felt i had to i Never liked him. I found i liked a boy in a higher grade my first middle school year but i got in to much trouble and we broke up. That summer i found a new love it was a girl i would love her forever i still would but she decided she was only bicurious and doesn’t talk to me unless i talk first. It takes a lot for me to find a guy i want to be with but i’m more so always along the lines men are disposable. Although i do find myself enjoying casual sex more than i should. As for girls i find myself easily finding them attractive its not like with guys where “i like you, I’m gonna have sex with you, then you gotta leave.” It’s more like I wanna date and have a relationship, make it go somewhere with girls. It’s more i just want something when i mess around with guys. I’ve been with many people. I couldn’t list and describe all of them. This letters long enough. Just tell me your opinion or answer.

Submitted by

Answer:

Hi La Crecia.  Thanks for contacting Ask Trevor.  You have questions regarding your sexual orientation.  Such questions are normal for many people, especially at your age.  We don’t have an answer or an opinion for you; this is a question that only you can truly answer and no one else’s opinion really matters.  What’s in your heart and mind are what counts.  Nonetheless, it appears from your letter that you have had experience being with both girls and guys.  Although as you wrote, you seem to desire to date and have a relationship with a girl, while your attraction to guys seems to be more just physical.  We urge you, since you indicate that you are sexually active, to always practice safer sex.  Protect yourself!

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about who you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both.

On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177  you’ll find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” which may help you with your questions about your sexuality.  On www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help.  PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) “Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth” at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation/gender identity. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out.

We encourage you to talk about your questions with someone you trust -a friend, parent, relative, teacher or school counselor.  You can also check out Trevorspace for support and help with your questions- Trevorspace at www.trevorspace.org is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.

We wish you the best in your personal journey of exploring your own sexual identity and want you to know that we at The Trevor Project are here to support you and to answer any further questions you may have in the future.

Regards,

Trevor