Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Am I really doing this?

Question:

I’ve been dating this girl, Shawna, for almost 2 months. I really like her and we usually get along. But lately we’ve been fighting about everything. I’m a really open bisexual and she is not. She is getting around to it. When I try to hold her hand, she freaks out and I don’t even kiss her at school. I want this to change, because i can honestly see myself with her. Has this happened to anyone? I dont wanna leave her but sometimes i feel like this will be our entire relationship..

 

Answer:

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to Ask Trevor.  Your courage is truly admired, and we want you to know that we are here for you.  Your feelings are completely normal, and we are glad you feel comfortable contacting us.

You mentioned that you are having some issues with your relationship.  It’s wonderful that you have found someone you feel happy with; however, the issues you discussed may be taking a toll on not only your relationship, but on you.  Take this time to practice self-care: i.e. reflect on how you are feeling, how these issues affect you personally rather than the relationship.  Do you think that these issues can be solved?

Once you have identified how you feel, try to discuss your feelings with Shawna in a calm conversation.  Try to listen to how she’s feeling as well.  Fighting is normal, but sometimes, fighting is an indicator of a larger problem: a lack of communication.  Are you really listening to each other?

After your conversation, evaluate how you feel.  It may be helpful to talk to a parent, teacher, or adult that you trust.  Sometimes it is just helpful to have someone that will listen to you, not necessarily offer advice, and be a sound board for your feelings.  Again, while Shawna is very important to you, practice self-care and identify your needs first.

From there, we hope that you can both discuss your issues and work towards something better!  However, keep check on your feelings, make sure that you are taking care of yourself, and surround yourself with supportive people that will be there to listen when you need them.

Again, we thank you for contacting us!  If you need anything, please do not hesitate in taking advantage of our other resources: Trevor Chat, Trevor Space, and our Trevor Hotline at 886-4-U-TREVOR.  We wish you the best, and we are always here for you.

 

Take care!

The Trevor Staff

 

 

Trevor Staff