I have had a boyfriend. I loved him. I love women too. I have recently been having dreams about lesbian makeout sessions. I am just not sure what to do. My family all thinks that being gay is a sin. I don’t know if I was to really be gay, if they would accept me for who I am. I know they would pretty much have to, but would they really? I’m just not sure.
Thank you for writing to The Trevor Project and trusting us to help you find some answers to your feelings. It sounds like you are confused and need some help sorting your feelings out, and that’s okay.
First, it’s important to tell you that the dreams you mentioned and the feelings you’re describing are natural; people of all ages and genders go through stages of questioning their sexuality.
Despite what you may have learned, having feelings for boys and girls is a natural expression of your sexuality. It might help if you look at sexual orientation as involving emotional, romantic and physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It might also help to think about who you have crushes on, girls or boys or both.
In a perfect world, parents would support their children unconditionally. However, sometimes that’s not the case and discussions about sexuality can test the limits of family relationships. Coming out is a very personal decision, and it is up to you to decide when and how you would tell your family and friends. Coming out can let people in your life know about an important part of you, and it can help you to feel less alone and even help you meet new friends. But, there are some important questions to ask yourself: What does it feel like keeping this part of your life secret? Are you worried that if you told your family or friends you would be unsafe emotionally or physically? If you told your parents would they kick you out of the house? If you decided to tell them and they did kick you out of the house, you would need a safety plan: meaning a safe place for you to live while you continued to go to school, and a way to support yourself financially. Some people decide to wait until they are living away from home and are financial able to support themselves before telling their family about their sexual orientation. What is most important in all of this is that YOU feel safe and comfortable.
There is a great resource guide that might help you as you think about talking to your family and friends about your sexuality. It’s called “Coming Out As You” and it’s a publication put together by The Trevor Project. You can read the guide online by clicking on “Resources” from The Trevor Project website. There’s space in the guide for you to write down your thoughts and ideas as you read it.
Embrace your feelings and realize that this is a journey of discovery; it may take you a while to sort through your feelings. You are young, so don’t feel like you need to figure this out all at once.
It seems like it might help for you to talk to a trusted friend or adult that can understand your feelings. I also encourage you to check out www.trevorspace.org. This is The Trevor Project’s online social network for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. This is a safe space for you to connect with other young people with similar questions and find a supportive network of peers. You can also go on TrevorChat or use TrevorText from The Trevor Project website. You’ll find that you’re not alone, and that there are people you can reach out to for support.