Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Am I transgender not bigender?

Question:

Hello. My question is, am I bigender or transgender.
I have (sense I was nine when I started dressing myself) dressed as a boy and when I dress as a girl I felt out of place and felt like people were judging me. For a few month now I have been fighting with myself about the am I really bigender topic because I have no famine internists or qualities. I’ve tried talking to my dad about that and he said not all girl are famine, which I know, but I don’t feel comftorbale in a dress and sometime I honestly feel like I’m being a perv when I stare at other girls who are wearing skimpy clothing while I’m thinking I could never wear that… I just want to get this war in my head over with. I honestly hate being a girl have boobs is stopped. They make my back hurt. I CANT RUN…! I just want to be the me I picture…

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hey Darby,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write us!  Please never hesitate to contact us again in the future if you have any additional questions or need someone to talk to.  That’s what we’re here for and that’s what we love to do!

First of all, gender identity is a very complex topic.  And because it is, there is no surprise that you are confused and fighting a war inside of your head trying to make sense of your feelings.  Please know that you are not alone in your battle.  What you need to realize is that you have so much of your life ahead of you.  You aren’t supposed to have yourself all figured out just yet!  Give yourself time and don’t feel as though you need to label yourself as bigender or transgender.  No label is going to be able to describe you.  Why?  Because never in the history of mankind has there been someone quite like you.  You’re uniquely you.

Take some time to check out both TrevorChat and TrevorSpace.  They might give you the necessary tools and support to help you win the war that you fight within.  TrevorChat is a program where you can talk to people live and instant message them to talk about anything.  TrevorSpace is a diverse and bully-free community much like facebook.  Who knows, maybe you would find someone going through the same exact feelings that you are!

The most important thing to remember is that figuring out your gender (whether it be transgender or bigender), doesn’t have to consume your life and your thoughts.  Just live you and don’t label who you are.  You have the whole rest of your life to figure out everything!  But as for right now, just be happy with who you are this very moment.  Life is too short to always be seeing what you don’t want about yourself or who you wished you were.  Grab a piece of paper and write down all of the things that you do like about your body, your gender and your personality, as it is this very second.  And then go share that wonderful person with the world.

The world is waiting for you to show them something different.  It’s waiting for you to show them your true colors and to live uniquely you.  Never be ashamed of who you are or the feelings that you are having!  And never let anyone else define who you are, always stay true to yourself.  It may take some time, but I assure you that you will figure this all out.  But don’t wait until then!  You have no time to lose.  Teach yourself to finally look at yourself and see what you like about you and then show the world something it has never seen before.  You’re one of a kind.  So do what no one else can and simply live you.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is You-er than You.”

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff