Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Asexuality teen

Question:

Ever since I was a kid (ya I’m still a kid but still) iv always felt different. In 3,4,5 grade when everyone else would talk about there first crushes (the awkward pre pubescent dating and all that) they would ask me about mine and I would have to make it up becouse I never liked anyone. In more resent years (7,8,9 grade) my friend will talk about how hot people are and there crush problems I never could relate because iv literally never had a crush on someone(iv had squshes but believe me thos are way diffrent). I told my best friends (there twins)about this and they started calling me an asexual so I looked it up and I felt like all my problems had been explaned my lack of “liking” people was normal it just ment I was and aromantic asexual. Iv also had a problem because I feel Im keeping a secret from everyone.when people talk about sex and crushes I still feel the need to make stuff up. I feel like if I come out as an asexual they won’t believe me they will just think I’m broken or I made something up(same with me parents).what do I do do I keep pretending that I find people attractive or do I tell them I’m asexual and risk them not understanding or trying to get me help.

 

Answer:

 

Hello Lyla,

Thanks so much for writing in to Ask Trevor! It takes a lot of courage to ask for help. The most important thing for you to know is that what you are feeling is not wrong. It is completely normal to feel the way that you do and many young people identify as asexual. In fact about 28% of people who identify as asexual are 18 or younger and 19% are in high school.

It sounds as if you have done some research on your own and have a good understanding of what is meant by “asexual.” This just means that you do not have any strong sexual attractions. This does not mean that you are incapable of having meaningful and emotional relationships.

If you truly feel like you are aromantic or asexual, it is important to know that you have the power and can determine whether or not you share this with your friends and family. If you are concerned about how they will react start by telling those you are closest with or trust the most. In most cases, they may not even know what it means to be asexual. This would be a great opportunity for you to educate them on what you know. You can use this as a platform to broaden the horizons of those around you. Again, it is up to you to decide when you are comfortable with telling those around you; however, if you ever feel bullied or outcast it is important to tell someone that you trust about how you feel. This could be your parents, a teacher or a counselor at school.

Again, if you do decide to share your sexuality with people, you have the power to do so on your own time — when you are ready and when you feel comfortable. If you would like to read a little bit more, you can find some information at www.asexuality.org or www.asexualawarenessweek.com. As always, feel free to write back in to us if you have any questions. If you ever feel the need to talk live, you can even call us at the Trevor Lifeline 1.866.488.7386.

Best Wishes!
Ask Trevor Team