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Being Transgender and Gay Seems Like A Lot to Handle

Question:

Dear Trevor,
Lately I’ve been questioning a lot of things, like most people do at age 15. I’m a female – at least I was born with female parts – but sometimes I feel like I’m a guy trapped in a girls body. Here’s the thing though, I’m attracted to guys, not girls, and I’m much more attracted to gay guys than straight guys. I don’t know what to do though, because since I’m female, gay guys won’t be attracted to me. It’s just all really weird to me. I feel like I could completely accept being lesbian and accept being transgender with some time, but when being transgender and gay are put together it seems like a lot to handle.

Alex

Original letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Alex,

Firstly, I would like to applaud you for writing to us about such a personal issue.  As you mentioned, you are at an age where many people start to question things; and it is perfectly normal to have these questions.  Although you seem to struggle with your gender identity, you appear to have a pretty firm and grasp on you sexual orientation.  That’s great.  Identifying one’s gender identity on top of his or her sexual orientation, as you said, can be a lot to handle, but it can be done.

I can surmise from you letter that you are dealing with two difficult issues: Gender Identity and Sexual Orientation.  It seems you are more confused with your gender identity because you are worried that being a transgender male does not coincide with your sexual orientation.  Your gender identity is what gender you feel is you.  Your sexual orientation describes your attraction.  There is no right or wrong answer.  The thing with sexual orientation and gender identity is that the range for expression is infinite.  It maybe difficult to identify as a transgender male attracted to men, but there are many people out there that feel the exact same way.  They live their lives fully and happily.  All this makes you is a gay man (trapped in a female body).  There is someone for everyone, and just as you said, it just takes time.  You do not have to fit neatly into a certain category because it makes others feel comfortable.  All you need to do is find out who you are and be you.  This is your life, and you should feel comfortable with who you are.

I hope that I was help in any way possible.  Coming to understand who you are can be confusing and difficult at times, but by taking the step to seek help and advice, I am confident you will find out who you are.  Also, I have attached links below for further information that may be helpful.  The first link is a link to Planned Parenthood about sexual orientation and gender identity.  There are various links in the text for more in-depth information.  The second link is to I Am: Trans People Speak – here are videos from transgender people about their stories.  I hope these help:

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/sexual-orientation-gender-4329.htm

http://www.transpeoplespeak.org/

Thank you for writing in to us at The Trevor Project.  In addition to Ask Trevor, we have Trevor Chat, which is a instant messaging service that provides live help.  Also, if you are feeling suicidal, please call the Trevor Lifeline (866.488.7386) immediately. It’s free, confidential, and available 24/7.

Sincerely,
Trevor