Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Bisexual?

Question:

Hello, my name is Valerie. I have been questioning my sexuality for a year now, and I would consider myself bisexual. I like guys but I also find girls attractive and the prospect of being in a relationship with a girl doesn’t bother me at all.

However, I still have some doubts. I haven’t had any romantic and sexual relationships with anyone, and I hear that you don’t know who you like until you have relationships. And there’s also the doubt that I could be wrong, once I get older.

Thank you for your help!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Valerie,

Thanks so much for your letter and reaching out for some guidance while you’re discovering your sexuality.  Sexuality and sexual orientation is something that is unique and special for each individual.  It’s important to remember that you are your own person with your own sexuality which is a part of what makes you the special person you are.

Sexual orientation is not so much a definite black and white system with the choices being Heterosexual, Gay and Lesbian, or Bisexual.  Some do strictly identify as heterosexual or gay and lesbian, but most people lie somewhere in between on a vast spectrum (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/spectrum).  Right now is the time that you are figuring out who you are, how you see yourself and how you identify.  It’s ok to have questions and doubts, because you are still discovering your sexual orientation.

A Bisexual is one who typically is emotionally and sexually attracted to both sexes, but like we mentioned before it varies on a broad spectrum for each individual.  Ask yourself a few questions.  When you fantasize about who you want to be with in a relationship, is it primarily the opposite sex, same sex, or both?  Who do you find yourself sexually attracted to the most, the opposite sex, same sex, or both?   Who do you find that you emotionally connect with, the opposite sex, same sex, or both?  Your answers may help you come a little closer to understanding your feelings completely.

Take this time to figure out who you are.  Spend time with both sexes and see how you feel emotionally and sexually.  There’s no rush in figuring it out and there’s no wrong answer.  Check out some of these resources for more information on Bisexuality: http://www.biresource.net/whatis.shtml and http://www.biresource.net/biyouthresources.shtml.  Also check out Trevor Space at http://www.trevorspace.org and connect with other youth like yourself who may have similar experiences that you both share.  Of course if you ever need to talk to someone and are in a bad place you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386.  We wish you the best Valerie and always remember to be you.

 

All the best,

Trevor Staff