Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Bisexual or not?

Question:

I’m keeping short and sweet. I’m questioning whether or not I’m bisexual again. I look at a girl and I think she’s beautiful. I look at a guy and I think he’s handsome. What does that say?

Letter submitted by: Lennart

Answer:

Dear Lennart,

Thanks for reaching out to us, it’s great that you’re trying to reach a resolution to your question. Sexuality is one of those things that is often fluid and never clear cut. Even people who identify as straight may question themselves when they find someone of the same gender attractive but they may or may not want to be romantically linked in anyway.

There are many situations where people find themselves questioning their sexuality like above. Bisexuality is defined as being sexually attracted to both men and women. Someone who identifies as bisexual may find themselves only being attracted to people of the opposite gender for a long while till someone else of the same gender catches his/her eye, it’s not always a 50/50 split and it can vary between people. As humans, we tend to try and compartmentalize and categorize everything in our lives. Some people may go on their entire lives not caring what they’ve defined their own sexuality as while others may know right away. There doesn’t need to be a sense of urgency in defining yourself right away. There is nothing wrong with not knowing what to label yourself. It’s kind of liberating not having to label yourself anyway!

Lastly, don’t let the question of sexuality be an obstacle in your life. Take it in stride, let each situation and life event happen as they go as you reach an area of clarity. If you ever need more resources, bisexual.org and biresource.net are great websites with lots of information. You can even chat live online or text a counselor through the Trevor Project here, http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now. We hope this letter has helped you, don’t hesitate to contact us again if you have more questions or want to write back. Feel free to go through the other letters on Ask Trevor. And good luck!

Best Wishes,

Trevor Staff