Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Bisexual yeah

Question:

I’m not a fan of labels but I need something to describe myself to others. I like boy and girls but I don’t like the word bisexual. I’m afraid people are going to put me in a box and whenever I do something outside their comfort zone, they might think I lied about my own sexuality! I’ve never been with a girl and I don’t know of any other girls that are bisexual or lesbians. I don’t want to label myself but it’s the only way to get my friends off my back, and they ARE my friends. I just don’t know what to tell them. Bisexual or not I like boys and girls.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi Miranda;

I just want to say  it’s  brave of you to acknowledge that you like both boys and girls, and it’s also shows that you are a true friend because you want to be honest and open with them. It can be confusing to people who don’t understand and I can see how you feel they are trying to put you into a box. It can be difficult and stressful at any age to label yourself when you don’t fit perfectly into categories that society has become comfortable with.

One of the things people have a difficult time understanding is that whether you label yourself or not, the feelings that you are having are perfectly normal. If you know that you like boys and girls, and you don’t like the terms society uses to identify, then you shouldn’t be pressured by anyone to use them. If you have an adult that you trust that you feel you can talk to, you may tell them what you are going through. Sometimes this can help make you more comfortable talking about what you are feeling. As for your friends, don’t feel pressured to tell them anything that you don’t want to. If it is something you really want to do, I suggest checking out this brochure from advocates for youth, I may be bisexual, now what? http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=724&Itemid=177. The term bisexual is not the important part here, it’s the information.

If you are over 13, you may want to consider checking out Trevor Space http://www.trevorspace.org/ it is a social network for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, and questioning youth, and anyone who doesn’t want to label themselves. It is a safe place to meet people your own age who may be going through some of the same things as you. Also, check out Trevor Chat http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat for times of online chat sessions with a volunteer, it may help to chat with someone about this in real time. I have heard and seen the quote “labels are for clothes, not people” hundreds of times, and it is absolutely true. What is important is that you are safe, happy, and healthy. You are a wonderful and unique person and The Trevor Project is here to help in any way that we can.

Best wishes

Trevor Staff