Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Bisexual?

Question:

OK so I don’t know whether bisexuality is real or not. People keep telling me that guys can’t be bisexual, they are really gay and just afraid. Well I have had sexual encounters with both sexes and I kinda liked them. Only that I met up with a man and since I feel attracted to men a little bit more. Could I actually be bi or am I just gay?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi. I first want to commend your bravery for reaching out for support regarding your concerns. Your questions regarding your sexuality are quite common so please know you are not alone in this struggle for self-acceptance and identity clarification. I am here to offer you some resources to access in hopes of bringing you closer to that acceptace and understanding. I understand your fears, frustrations, and dis-ease. Other people’s definitions can cloud our vision needed to obtain the personal freedom that accompanies self-acceptance and inner peace. I feel what’s most important that one accepts themself as a person –a human being first. Our attractions, crushes, and physical interactions really is not what ultimately defines us. We are loving people. “Who” we love is really secondary. I am not here to tell you that “yes you are bisexual” or “yes you are gay” You will eventually find that answer in your heart. Remember, they are lables. This is my personal opinion; we are just sexual–beit with a man or a woman. The person you choose to share yourself with in life can change and that is definitely ok. Try not to feel like you have to “make” yourself fit into one category or another. Inner peace is found when we accept ourself as a loving human being first. But I know that journey can be rocky at best. That can cause so much pain and fear because all we all really want is to fit in somewhere and be accepted. Here at Trevor we accept you for you! We care about you and not what lable you identify with. You are NOT alone! We do care!

I would advocate that you consider some of these questions. First,In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both. Check out the following resource:On http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ at http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf can be of further help as you try to understand your sexual orientation. Remember that there’s no rush to figure this out. I would also suggest that you check out our TrevorSpace. It is a digital social networking site that is a safe place for youth to go to for support from other youth. There very possibly could be others struggling with the same or similar issue/s. Trevor strives to make available different venues that you can access until you find the one you feel most comfortable with and information to lead you to finding the real you and support you along that journey. Again, the answers to who you really want to share yourself with will be found within. We are here by your side while that decision is found.

Remember, if you ever need us we are just a phone call away. Please do not hesitate to contact us by phone if you feel the need. Call 866-4-U-TREVOR any time. We are here for you 24-7. I am really proud of you for trying to find all the information you can to find that piece of mind you need to feel comfortable in your own skin. The journey can be rough but oh so worth it! Keep the faith, stay strong, and continue to search for the inner peace neccessary to live an enjoyable life! It’s been my honor and pleasure to be the one to answer your email!

Best wishes,

Trevor Staff