Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Bisexuality

Question:

Well I’ve had thoughts about being bi since I was 14 and now 2 years later I still have those feelings and I haven’t told anyone. I look at girls feel attracted to them but I’ve never had a crush on a girl, could I be bisexual or just bi curious?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thank you for writing! Questioning your sexuality can be a very confusing process and you have taken a big step just by reaching out. First, I want to emphasize that what you are currently experiencing is completely normal and is something that many people around your age are currently going through. While ultimately only you can decide whether or not you are bisexual or what exactly you think your sexuality is, the good news is that you don’t need to decide anything today and there are absolutely no wrong answers!

In thinking about whether or not you might be bisexual and about your sexuality in general, you might find it helpful to think about the different factors that comprise our sexuality.  Sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). You mentioned in your letter than you have identified feelings of physical attraction towards other girls, but that you haven’t had any crushes on other girls up to this point. It’s great that you are already so attuned to your feelings! Thinking about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with (girls, boys or both) can definitely be a good indicator of what your sexuality may be, and this may be something you want to pay attention to in the future. Again, there are no wrong answers and you are still very young and have plenty of time to learn about yourself and what you want. For many people, sexual orientation is a constant evolution and you may find that your feelings change over time based on your age, what you want at the time, who you fall in love with, and a variety of other factors. There are also a lot of online resources with information about bisexuality that you may find useful. On http://www.bisexual.org  if you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may be helpful to you in thinking about your sexual orientation. You may also want to think about talking with a guidance counselor, teacher, or trusted friend about your questions and what you are currently feeling.

As you continue to think about and explore your sexuality, please remember that this process is not one you need to go through alone and the Trevor Project is always here to support you. If you have more questions, please feel free to write us another letter, to get in touch with us via TrevorChat, or to call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) to speak with a lifeline counselor about what you’re feeling and experiencing. You may also consider checking out TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality.

Trevor Staff