Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Coming out at school.



I have been openly gay to my family about 2 weeks. I want to come out at school but i finding it hard to actually find a way to do it. I don’t have any really close friends. Ive always just kinda been good friends with anyone and hang out with different people on a daily basis. I’m a very well liked guy at school and im happy there. But by not having any really close friends, im having trouble finding somewhere to start. Im a fairly masculine guy and don’t fit the gay stereotype in the slightest, so it would probably be surprising to people. Its a small school and there are no other openly gay people, but i know most people will be supportive and i can deal with those who are not.

Just looking for any advice or tips on how others have come out at school if they have been in a similar situation.
Thanks :)

Letter submitted by:


Dear Darcy,

First off, let me say I think its great that you were able to come out to your family.  Having a strong support system at home is great.  I commend you also on your desire to be open at school as well.  I can certainly understand your concern as to the how.  This, of course is a very personal decision and is different for everyone.  I want to start by saying there is no rush.  Not that I am saying you shouldn’t, but that it’s okay to wait for the right opportunity.

You might want to ask yourself, do you have a sense about the views your classmates have on gay and lesbian people?  Are you ready for the reactions they may have? Some people may accept you immediately, while others make take longer.  But ultimately its not about whether they accept you.  It’s about you accepting you and loving yourself. 

Be yourself, with or without labels.  In time people will get to know the real you, and that’s what really matters. 

In the meantime you might want to visit Trevor Space  A LGBT young people’s social networking site  where many have been where you are now.

Have a great day,