Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Coming out to parents?

Question:

I have told my mom before that I’m bisexual but she said I was confused. I don’t know how to tell her if she won’t listen. I just need a little advice. If u could give me some that would be great
Thank you c:
~Alex~

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Alex,

Thank you for writing Ask Trevor for advice on coming out as GLBT.  It’s corageous to have accepted yourself and that you’re ready to be open with other people.  As you begin the process, though, you may encounter a little resistance and frustration.  Though each person’s process is different and there’s no specific list of things to do in coming out process, Alex, accepting yourself and seeking help is a positive way to get you started.  There are many people in a situation similar to yours with the same thoughts and feelings, and just as many allies;  people who hope you stay safe and healthy.

Congratulations on reaching a point where you’ve ‘come out’ to yourself.  Like I mentioned, there’s no specific roadmap since everyone’s situation is a little different.  Just like it may take a while for people in your situation to accept themselves, it may take some time for family and friends newly identified GLBT to accept the news too.  It is important when you come out to try to keep yourself safe physically and emotionally with those you come out to.  One of the first pieces of advice I’d give is to find and talk to a person you trust.  It seems like your mom may fit in that role, even if she is a little hesitant to accept the news at first.  Is there anyone else in your family that may be more open to the idea right now?  Is there a teacher or a counselor you feel you could talk to, or a friend that may help give your feelings more validation that it seems like your mom did at this point?  You’re on the right track.  The next step may be just to find the right person in your life to help you along.

I would recommend visiting the Coming Out page run by the Human Rights Campaign.  It’s a comprehensive resource that may help you come up with constructive ways to talk about GLBT issues with your mom. (http://www.hrc.org/resources/category/coming-out)  A group called PFLAG has a site as well with resources to find local chapters of the group on their site, and may help you connect with people near where you live to help you and your mom through the process.  http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=268

The Trevor Project may also be able to help you connect with other people facing similar resistence from family, and may be able to help you make it past this hurdle.  https://www.trevorspace.org/ is a social networking-themed site that allows you to chat online with 13 to 24 year olds.  If you’d like to chat online live with a Trevor Project volunteer, http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat is available as well.  866-4-U-Trevor is the number to The Trevor Project’s suicide hotline, and a way to speak one on one with someone if you’re having suicidal thoughts.  We’re always here for you.

Good luck,
Alex

Trevor Staff