Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Coming Out … Very Carefully


Hello, I am a gay teen and I am very positive in my sexuality. My problem is my parents are very very weird about gay & lesbians.  They do not support them at all. I am scared if I come out to them they will kick me out. Qhat do I do?


Letter submitted by:


Trevor Staff


First off, thank you for writing in to Ask Trevor. This is a great letter because I think a lot of people have similar concerns, so your question will really be helpful to a lot of people.

It is really awesome that you are secure in your sexuality. Being comfortable with oneself is hard for a lot of people so to be where you are is great. The concerns you have with coming out to your parents is something that a lot of people struggle with. There is no right or wrong answer to the question of how to come out to anyone – supportive or not, but there are a few things to think about in any situation. Personal safety is always important, so if you were to come out, would you be physically and mentally safe? If your parents reacted poorly do you have a back up plan such as making arrangements with friends or other family members who you could stay with if need be? Some people choose to wait until they are in college or living away from home while other people go through with it no matter what the outcome will be. It’s a deeply personal thing to come out to anyone, so take your time and make sure you’re prepared.

We can never really know how someone will react to the news of coming out but if you decided that you want to come out to your parents there are a ton of resources that can help them better understand the GLBT world. For you there is the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf and more specifically for your question you might want to check out an article called “Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About” http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions.
For your parents there is an organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). It’s a fantastic organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity. Check out their website at www.pflag.org where you can find a treasure-trove of helpful information for you and your parents.
If you have any questions in the future please feel free to use Ask Trevor again or The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, or TrevorSpace. We are always here for you!
Best regards,
Ask Trevor