Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

Coming Out … Very Carefully

Question:

Hello, I am a gay teen and I am very positive in my sexuality. My problem is my parents are very very weird about gay & lesbians.  They do not support them at all. I am scared if I come out to them they will kick me out. Qhat do I do?

Thanks

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Trevor Staff

Hello!

First off, thank you for writing in to Ask Trevor. This is a great letter because I think a lot of people have similar concerns, so your question will really be helpful to a lot of people.

It is really awesome that you are secure in your sexuality. Being comfortable with oneself is hard for a lot of people so to be where you are is great. The concerns you have with coming out to your parents is something that a lot of people struggle with. There is no right or wrong answer to the question of how to come out to anyone – supportive or not, but there are a few things to think about in any situation. Personal safety is always important, so if you were to come out, would you be physically and mentally safe? If your parents reacted poorly do you have a back up plan such as making arrangements with friends or other family members who you could stay with if need be? Some people choose to wait until they are in college or living away from home while other people go through with it no matter what the outcome will be. It’s a deeply personal thing to come out to anyone, so take your time and make sure you’re prepared.

We can never really know how someone will react to the news of coming out but if you decided that you want to come out to your parents there are a ton of resources that can help them better understand the GLBT world. For you there is the Human Rights Campaign’s “Resource Guide to Coming Out” at http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf and more specifically for your question you might want to check out an article called “Coming Out to Your Parents: Questions to Think About” http://www.amplifyyourvoice.org/youthresource/comingoutquestions.
For your parents there is an organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). It’s a fantastic organization, made up mostly of parents, which supports LGBTQ people and works to help parents and others to become more supportive and accepting of their loved one’s sexual orientation/gender identity. Check out their website at www.pflag.org where you can find a treasure-trove of helpful information for you and your parents.
If you have any questions in the future please feel free to use Ask Trevor again or The Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR, TrevorChat, or TrevorSpace. We are always here for you!
Best regards,
Ask Trevor

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