Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Confidence

Question:

Dear Trevor,
I’ve taken the advice I got from my last letter and started talking to one of my straight male friends. He tells me no matter what or who I am he accepts me for me and that he is here for me whenever I need to talk. But before I can come out to him I just wanted to ask one last thing here. Inside I hear this little voice telling me I’m straight but than there’s this other voice covering that little voice asking all these questions.
A part of me knows or thinks I’m gay but than there’s this other part that is just unsure about everything. I’m thinking maybe it’s because I’m hanging around my guy friends and they’re just straight guys doing and saying straight things, but I get pretty uncomfortable when they talk and act like that.

It just feels like there is this part of me that wants to act straight, but it doesn’t feel like me acting gay has always felt like me. I’ve just been questioning myself a lot and I just want to know if I’m crazy or not.
Horrible way to the end the letter but I don’t want to be a bother- I know my letter doesn’t sound as major as other’s.

Answer:

Hey Victor,

First of all, we think it’s really great that you’re reaching out with these questions and especially that you’ve been able to talk to and find support in your friend. Having people you can talk to and people who support you is so important to your journey.

It’s important to remember that, while your journey is uniquely yours, there are a lot of people who have walked through similar issues and have gone on to live happy, productive lives. You asked in your letter whether questioning or being unsure about your sexual orientation meant you were crazy. It’s important to know that questioning or being unsure does not make you crazy. It’s totally normal! Many (if not almost all) people have questions about their sexuality. Many LGBT people feel uncomfortable or “out of place” around their straight friends or feel strange about labels like “gay,” “straight” or “bisexual.” You don’t have to adopt a label right now if you aren’t sure about your sexuality orientation. It’s OK to say “I am attracted to guys but am still questioning my sexual orientation.” It’s OK to identify as bisexual if you feel attracted to both men and women. Your sexual orientation is your own, and only you can decide where you fall on the spectrum.

It’s also important to know that there’s no way to really “act straight” or “act gay.” Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to or who you fall in love with, not how you speak or what you’re interested in. Society has created stereotypes for how straight or gay people act, but it’s OK to act however feels comfortable to you and adopt whatever label is you are comfortable with. You don’t have to act a certain way based on who you love or are attracted to.

And, as always, we are here for you if you need someone to speak to right away. Never hesitate to call the Trevor Lifeline.

Best,
Your Friends at Ask Trevor