Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Confused

Question:

Lately I’ve been confused, I am not sure if I am bisexual or not. I am attracted to guys, but sometimes I find myself looking at girls and thinking they’re pretty. I know it’s not uncommon to look at people of the same gender, but I never used to look at them like I do now. Like when I used to look at girls, I would think “oh, she’s pretty,” “I like her hair” or “I wish I was a pretty as her,” but it’s different now. When I’m attracted to someone it’s mostly for their personality.  A lot of girls are nice to me and talk to me and I sometimes feel attracted to them. But I’m not sure if that’s just because I like my friends and I like talking to people, or because I actually “like” them?

Letter submitted by:  Lauren

 

Answer:

Dear Lauren,

Thank you for writing Trevor Project and sharing your story with us. It takes a lot courage. It is very normal to have certain feelings for people you have a connection with. Know that you are not alone in feeling confused about your sexuality. It may take some time, but you will eventually reach a place of understanding after exploring your thoughts and feelings some more. On http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information regarding bisexuality. If you click on resources, then bisexuality, general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. There is also a great Q&A article that was published by The New York Times, “When Teenagers Question Their Sexuality (2009),” in which Psychiatrist, Dr. Jeffrey Fishberger of theTrevor Project responds to readers’ questions regarding their sexual orientation and coming out. You may find this article to be helpful in your path to self-discovery.  In the article Dr. Fishberger states: 

“In trying to understand sexual orientation, it can help a person to think about who he or she has crushes on and fantasizes about being with. A person doesn’t necessarily need to have a “full” sexual experience in order to understand his or her sexual orientation. The time to explore such issues varies from individual to individual.”

 Visit this link to read more of this article:

 http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/09/29/when-teenagers-question-their-sexuality/

It may also be helpful to speak to your peers or a trusted adult (such as a school counselor) who is accepting and supportive.  If there is no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 24 hours 7 days a week.  Or to chat with other young people like yourself, please visit The Trevor Project’s social networking site, TrevorSpace at: www.TrevorSpace.org.  Please feel free to write back anytime with any more questions you may have. Good luck and take care, Lauren!

 Trevor Staff