Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

Confused?

Question:

Hi
I’m writing this letter because I’m confused about my sexuality. I don’t know if I am lesbian or bi or straight because sometimes I feel attracted to both sexes (mostly girls and rarely guys) and I’m talking in a non sexual way. My parent are little uncomfortable with homosexuality. One day i told my mom ” I think I’m lesbian” and she just brush it off and thought it was TV’s fault. She doesn’t understand that I feel weird as I hating talking to boys or something like that. I never gossip about how a boy look and etc.
I know I could be confusing you but for me there is no source except for you. I have never seen a gay person to ask or talk and also I have never been in a relationship too.

Thank you

Sree

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Sree,

Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project. It can be hard to figure out your sexuality—often sexuality can be fluid and complicated, and it’s perfectly okay to feel confused or not know exactly where you stand. Reaching out and thinking about it shows a lot of maturity and self-awareness on your part. It’s very brave of you to talk to your mother as well, and you should feel very proud of that.

It sounds like you have already been thinking about some of the things that can help you figure out how you feel. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional and romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). Thinking about who you have crushes on, or who you fantasize being with or kissing might help. If you haven’t really had any sexual feelings for anyone yet, that’s also okay. The important thing is that whatever and whenever you decide, it’s something that feels right for you personally. It’s also okay if you change your mind about this later— there is no time limit to figuring this out, and you are the only one who can define your own sexuality.

There are a couple of resources that you might find helpful. On http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view &id=730&Itemid=177, you can find the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” which may help you with your questions about the attraction you feel towards other girls.  You can also find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality at http://www.bisexual.org. If you click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then ”Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG” you can find information that may help. It might also be helpful for you to visit TrevorSpace at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great community where you can talk to others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality. There are more resources at our website http://www.thetrevorproject.org, including links to TrevorChat, which is a live chat where issues around sexual orientation can be discussed. It can be scary being the only one you know going through these feelings, but please remember that you are not alone and that how you’re feeling is completely normal. We are also always available to talk to at The Trevor Project’s Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 (1-844-4U-TREVOR), and you can also always write back to us. We are always here to listen and support you.

Love,

Trevor Staff