Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

Confused

Question:

Hi! My name is Jenna. I’m in the ninth grade. Recently, I’ve been questioning my sexuality. I am a fan of Tyler Oakley’s and I saw him talk about the Trevor Project in a video so I came here. I’ve always thought I was straight, but I have been questioning myself recently. I’ve found girls attractive and it’s so confusing. I still find guys attractive and I still hope to be married one day and have children of my own. I don’t know if I want to experiment or if this is just a phase. I don’t know what to think. I’ve joked around before saying “I’m probably bisexual.” However, I’m starting to think that’s true. I just don’t know what to think. I feel ok with the idea. I’m not scared, I just don’t know what I am. Please help me to figure that out. I’ve questioned myself a lot and I just can’t figure this out on my own. Thank you so much in advance for your help. Truly, it means a lot. Thank you!

 

Answer:

 

Hi Jenna,

Thank you so much for reaching out to Ask Trevor! It takes so much strength and courage to reach out for help about something when you’re feeling confused. Your confusion completely makes sense— it is hard to know what to call your sexuality while you’re trying to figure out who you’re attracted to, especially if you’re just now beginning to feel like you’re attracted to the same sex as well as the opposite sex. Questions like the ones you have are completely normal to have. I’m glad that you know we’re here to support you in your process of self-discovery!

The first thing I want to mention is that the process of self-discovery is something that can take a long time—and this is totally OK! It’s OK if you’re not sure what to call your sexuality right now because you’re still exploring the feelings you have. I understand that there might be a lot of pressure to figure out what to call your sexuality because of how confusing everything feels right now. I just want to remind you that there is no rush in figuring out how to label your sexuality. Every person has a different journey of self-discovery—some people know early on what to call their sexuality, others take some time, others take a long time… And this is all completely OK because each person is unique!

I think the fact that you are as aware of your feelings as you are is a wonderful thing that will help you a lot as you continue exploring your sexuality. I think the best thing you can do during this process is to remain open and honest with yourself about your feelings like you are right now. Over time you’ll be able to meet more people who will probably make you feel in different ways. As you meet more people and experience more feelings it will be easier for you to know what to call your sexuality. In the meantime, though, I think your level of self-awareness and honesty is admirable and will help you a lot during this journey!

I also want to let you know that you are not alone in thinking about these things. I think many people your age have similar questions and concerns. In fact: have you heard of TrevorSpace? It’s a social network for people your age who are going through similar processes of self-discovery. It’s free, confidential, and a great way to talk to peers who might have similar questions as you do. You can find TrevorSpace here: https://www.trevorspace.org/.

Also know that the Trevor Project is always here for you if you want someone to talk to. The Trevor Lifeline is available 24/7 at 866-488-7386 if you ever need to talk to someone. Trevor Chat, an online support system, is also available at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now.

Thank you again for reaching out to us! I hope these words have been helpful for you. Never forget that we are always here for you!

Best,

Ask Trevor