Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Confused

Question:

Hey, I’m a pretty confident male, however, I’m confused about my sexuality. Ever since adolescence, I’ve liked girls, however, I’ve also liked guys who are more masculine and ripped. But recently I’ve noticed that my liking of guys is not purely sexual.

I’ve noticed that I like ‘some’ guys because I really admire their physique, and I actually want to be like them. That somehow translates into that I actually want to be as close to them as possible.
So, I’m confused as to what to make of this, as I don’t want to get physical with a guy, however, I get turned on by both gay and straight erotica.

Thanks.
A

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi A,

Thank you so much for your letter, and taking the step to reach out for some guidance and support. It can be really tough to talk about your sexuality, so thank you for being so courageous. I want to acknowledge that there is nothing wrong with being confused about your sexuality. I imagine that it must be a little scary, anxiety-provoking, or even frustrating to try to “figure out” who you like or who you are sexually attracted to. It sounds like you while you are attracted to girls, you may find men (specifically physically fit men) attractive as well. Who you are attracted to comes in many different ways including who you are attracted to physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, even spiritually. You may be sexually attracted to both men and women, which is completely okay.

A great resource that may be helpful is Bisexuality.com. It’s a great website with information and guidance on what you may experiencing right now, and may have some more answers to the questions you currently have. Another great resource is Advocates for Youth. They have a wonderful article on bisexuality: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/publications/publications-a-z/724-i-think-i-might-be-bisexual-now-what-do-i-do. It also may be helpful to share your questions and experience with someone you trust like a best friend, guidance counselor, or even a teacher you know really well. It can great to have support from people you know who will hear you. Remember to always feel safe and comfortable before sharing, and there is no time table to when you should share.

I hope these resources help. Remember, what you are experiencing right now surrounding sexuality is completely natural. It may take some time to ask yourself some questions, and even have some support from people whom you trust. Remember, you are loved.

Trevor Staff