Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

Confused sexuality


Hi, my name is grace. I have been unsure about my sexuality ever since I moved to my new school. I have always classified myself as straight. Then, I moved to my new school and I met a girl. I had a sort of attraction that I have never felt with any other girl. She is beautiful, smart, fun, and everything I look for… In a guy. I have never liked a girl like I like this girl before. I am very unsure about my sexuality, and do you think you could help me?





First, I’m so glad that you have reached out to the Trevor community, please know that we are here for you. You are not alone in your questioning and searching process. We love you and our community embraces you.

Our sexuality is complex and it is normal to question your orientation and it’s natural and normal to be LGBT too. There is nothing to be ashamed of in learning who you are, what your heart is expressing or the fact that it’s yielded emotions of love for someone you care about. Please keep in mind that everyone’s sexuality is simply one facet of who they are and sometimes it might feel like a puzzle as you work to put all the pieces in your life together. It can sometimes help to think about how your sexual orientation is made up of different pieces: emotional, romantic, and physical feelings and attractions for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). To help sort out the puzzle it may help for you to consider your own personal history of whom you have had past attractions to or have fantasized about (i.e. girls, boys, or both). Bear in mind that all of these are healthy and normal, they are part of who you are.

Also there’s no rush in figuring all of this out. It might be helpful for you to read PFLAG’s (Parents, Families & Friends Of Lesbians & Gays) ‘Be Yourself: Questions for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Youth’ (http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Be_Yourself_TT.pdf) as a resource in continuing your understanding of your sexual orientation/gender identity. Additionally, you might also take a look at the brochure “I Think I Might Be Lesbian…Now What Do I Do?” (http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177). Or on http://www.bisexual.org you’ll find a lot of helpful information on bisexuality (click on resources, then bisexuality-general information, then “Bisexuality 101 from PFLAG”). Again there’s no time crunch to sort all of this out, be patient with yourself and this discovery process.

Finally, I would really encourage to reach out to someone whom you trust (a close friend, parent, teacher or school counselor) and talk through these questions. Our family at the Trevor Project is also always here for you. TrevorSpace is a great place to go for other resources for support and help with questions – “TrevorSpace” at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

The Trevor Community is here for you! You can always reach out to us on the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386).

The Trevor Team