So basically…I’m a lesbian. And I should be happy but I just can’t. My life is great. I’m not saying it’s not…I just cant be happy for some reason. Like I am, sometimes, but sometimes I get so low, it’s just awful. I honestly think I may be bipolar but I don’t know. During the low times…it gets bad. Like I think about what it would feel like to jump off a building. I know like deep down that I would never do it…but I can’t stop thinking about it. It scares me…but it happens all the same.
My parents…well they don’t know. They’re like the only ones who don’t know, and I hate it. I tried coming out once, when they read that I had a crush on this senior girl a couple years ago. But they said I wasn’t old enough to know and just because it happened once doesn’t mean that I’m gay, and it’s just a phase…and that was when i thought i was bi. I feel like I’m living a lie. And since then, they don’t even care. They keep making jokes about me and my future husband, boyfriend, etc. and it sucks. I can’t take it anymore. I want to leave, I want to tell them, I want so much to stop hurting…but I know that they won’t listen. And my brothers autistic, so even if I told him he wouldn’t understand. He even once said that men weren’t supposed to love men or something like that. I…I just don’t know what to do…so…thanks for listening, I guess. Feels good to get this off my chest for once.
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I’m so glad that you were able to relieve some stress by writing your letter. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with telling your parents. I know this can be difficult and challenging. It seems like it’s really bothering you not telling them. Are you worried they might not understand? Do you have someone safe to talk to? Maybe another family member or friend that you can confide in. Remember that you are in control of your life, and that means that you can take as much time as you need to tell your parents. Be confident in who you are. If you don’t think they will listen, try to explain how you feel and that there is no changing who you are.
The Human Rights Campaign has a “Resource Guide To Coming Out” that you may find useful. http://www.hrc.org/documents/resourceguide_co.pdf You can also try writing what you want to say down and practicing it. It could give you the extra confidence boost you need. There is also a book, “Now That You Know – A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children”, that could be of use as well. You have shown so much courage already by writing this letter. You’ve already come so far.
There will be low points and high points in your life, but you are strong enough to overcome even the most depressing of times. Sometimes life gets hard and we feel as though there is no one out there who has gone through what we are going through. Here at The Trevor Project, we know exactly how you feel and are here for you 24/7. If you ever need us call our 24/7 hotline at 866-488-7386.