Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Convince them otherwise


Self harm is such a scary thing and I want to be able to help people dealing with it out by talking to them and convincing them otherwise, but I don’t want to sound insensitive which would make them feel worse. I don’t ever want to end up in the situation where a close friend would come looking for help from me for this stuff and I would be their last “life line” when I don’t even know what to say. Of course I could try to refer them to you guys, but if I’m not able to do that, as of now I’d be screwed and my friend may or may not end up more depressed than where we started and I just think that this is something that should be taught to us instead of the Male Reproductive system or something as equally irrelevant in life as that is. This has been bothering me and I want to know what to do in case this situation ever comes up as I make my way through high school and college.

Letter submitted by:


Dear Gwen,

First of all I want to thank you for your letter.  I think you are right to be concerned about issues like this as they do seem to happen more often nowadays.  I think it is great that you are being proactive in to learn how to help if the situation ever arises.

If you are faced with a situation where a friend or family member is self-harming or cutting there are a couple things you can do.  The first would be to suggest professional help like a private counselor, a psychiatrist, or a support group.  Let them know that you understand it can be difficult to stop cutting and a professional can help by providing them a safe environment in which they can share their feelings and talk about why they feel the need to cut.   If they don’t feel comfortable going to a professional you can try reminding them of the dangers of self-harming. It can lead to permanent scarring, infections and in some extreme cases it can lead to death, if a vein or artery is accidently cut.  Another thing you can try is to help them find alternative activities for their cutting.  You can suggest that whenever they feel the urge to cut, they do those alternative behaviors, such as hitting a pillow, taking a walk, go for a run, writing in a journal, etc.

If you would like to obtain more information on how to help those who are cutting, there are several places where you can find help and information or you can refer the person too.  1-800-DON’T-CUT is a hotline that will refer a therapist in your area.  www.safe-alternatives.com and www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm are websites where you can find more suggestions for alternative behaviors to cutting.  Also you can always refer the person to 1-866-4-U-TREVOR or Ask Trevor or Trevor `Chat as well.

Trevor Staff