Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Dating a transgender friend, unsure how to proceed


I am a male who is in an unusual predicament. I recently began a relationship with a male friend who identifies as female, and is working towards making the necessary changes. It started as a result of this friend admitting to having feelings for me, and we’d grown so close that… I’m not sure how to explain it. I just mentally decided “I like this person enough to spend my life with them, even if they’re not the person I expected to do so with.” In terms of sexuality, I’m definitely interested in women, so my significant other’s transgender status actually works out nicely. He wants to be female, I like females… but sometimes, I have questions or concerns and I don’t know where to turn.

My parents don’t really understand, and so for the sake of their sanity, I’m not trying to talk to them about it, but I don’t know who I would talk to about this. I have a couple friends that do their best to support me, but it only accomplishes so much.

Letter submitted by:


It sounds like you are indeed in a situation that takes care, concern, and thoughtfulness. And from what you write, you are doing a wonderful job at being concerned, careful, and considerate of everyone involved. That is not always easy to do, so congratulations on a job well done.

That being said, it is helpful to surround yourself with knowledge and support and we can definitely help you out with that. There are a few websites that you can check out that are helpful not only in informing you about what it means to be transgender, but also how to support transgendered people, and where to look for additional resources and support. Here are two websites for you: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=731&Itemid=177 and http://community.pflag.org/page.aspx?pid=380.

In addition to checking out these resources, you can join TrevorSpace, an online community for LGBTQ youth 13 to 24 and their allies and family. There are many people in this community who can relate to your situation and would love to provide support. And we are also available 24/7 on http://www.thetrevorproject.org/. Please reach out as you continue to need support, we are here to help!

Trevor Staff