Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Dilemmas

Question:

Hi I’d like to hear your opinion regarding my issue. Here is my story: I found out I’m a bisexual 3 years ago. From that time until now I’ve been very relaxed and quite happy about it, but now I’ve started to worry about coming out. I have told some people close to me and they’ve took it really well. However I still have not told my parent (and my sisters) and that’s very scary to me. I don’t know when or should I even tell them. Every day I am tempted to tell my mom or my sister but I just can’t. I am pressured to tell them because I feel like I am keeping a huge secret from them. What should I do? Thank you in advance.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

We’re so glad that you reached out to Ask Trevor with your question and we also want to commend you for your courage in writing to us. Trying to decide whether or not to come out to your family can be tricky and scary, so we’re glad that you are asking for guidance and support as you think about this decision.

Unfortunately, there is no easy answer here.  We can’t tell you what you should do, but there are many things you may want to consider deciding whether or not to come out to your family.  What is it like to keep this part of you a secret from your family? Are you concerned about your physical safety if you were to tell them? Are you concerned about your emotional well-being if you tell your family? Are you concerned about continuing to get financial support from them if you tell them how you are feeling? Sometimes people wait until they are able to live away from home before coming out to their families about their sexual orientation. If you decide to let them know now, that is fine, but it is also okay to wait until later in life, when you are able to be more financially independent and have been able to establish financial and social support elsewhere. What is most important is that you stay safe and that you are comfortable with who you are. The thoughts and feelings you are having are completely normal, as is some of the confusion you are experiencing about what to do. It is really great to hear that you do have some people that you’ve come out to that have been very supportive. They might be good people to talk with about this dilemma, if you feel comfortable discussing this with them.

Whether you decide you want to talk with your family about how you are feeling or not, there are many resources available to you. You may find the Human Rights Campaign resources for coming out helpful: http://www.hrc.org/files/documents/ComingOut_ResourceGuide.pdf.  Additionally, if your family has questions, PFLAG is a really great resource: www. Pflag.org. Finally, remember that the Trevor Project is always here for you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Feel free to write again, log on to TrevorChat, or call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386 if you need any more advice or want to talk. We are here for you!

 

The Trevor Project

Trevor Staff