Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
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Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Discovering Myself and Being True

Question:

When I was growing up, I was called “gay” since maybe 4th or 5th grade. I didn’t figure out what it meant until 6th or 7th grade, but many of my peers associated it with being lesser. Now, as I am growing up, I’m finding myself thinking to be gay. I’m not sure where it’s coming from; maybe it’s because I do a mostly girl sport, I only have two sisters, maybe the namecalling is rubbing off on me. I met a friend online who is gay, and I asked him to help me out. He said I was gay, but it’s a-okay finding time to discover myself. I think I am gay, too, because I see myself being in a long relationship with a guy.

My problem is that I’m not 100% sure I’m gay, or maybe I’m just not comfortable with myself yet. My friends tease me for acting gay, and I guess I fit some of the stereotypes. I know for sure that they’ll be accepting of whatever I am and love me no matter what. The only problem is my parents; they aren’t supporters of gay marriage, and I fear they may not accept me if I come out to them. My friend told me to wait until I am not dependent from them so I don’t have to worry about finances and college, which is another problem. My two sisters both go to prestigious colleges and I’m afraid my sexuality will prevent me from being accepted into colleges such as them.

To whomever is reading this, what should I do? I don’t know if I’m gay, but I think I am! If I am gay, what should I do? Thank you!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thank you for taking the time to submit your concerns. Having the courage to do this is a sign of a brave person. Questioning sexual orientation is a very natural process. In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). It can also help to think about whom you have crushes on and who you fantasize about being with boys, girls or both.

The great thing in exploring sexual orientation is that there is no rush in making decisions. Self-discovery is a wonderful thing and you’ll spend your whole life learning what you like and don’t like. Whether you are gay, straight, bisexual, the list could go on; know that you are not alone and that there will always be support. The best thing you could do for yourself is not worry about labels and allow yourself freedom to like what you like and not like what you don’t like. Surround yourself with others that support you for who you are. Know that if you vocally identify yourself to others one way and later change the way you want to identify yourself to others that is ok too.

This self-discovery process especially when you are young can feel lonely and be really hard. It is important to develop a support system. I want to encourage you to talk with a trusted adult (parent, relative, doctor, teacher or school counselor) about your feelings. Remember that your safety is of the upmost importance and if you do not feel safe speaking to someone in person, there are other options. If there’s no one you feel comfortable talking with, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR, 24 hours 7 days a week. Also, there is Trevor Space at www.trevorspace.org. It’s the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people 13-24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had the same questions that you may have.

The following are LGBTQ friendly website links that may be of use to you:

Thank you again for taking the time to write in to Ask Trevor. Please feel free to continue to stay in touch with us here at The Trevor Project; including Trevor Chat, Trevor Space, Ask Trevor, and the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR. We’re always available for you, and care about what’s going on in your life.

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff