We have transitioned Ask Trevor into a broader, more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies.
Please check out our new FAQ page here: http://TrevorSupportCenter.org
Ok so about a month ago one of my exes that i am still close with (we will call him Chris) came out to me that he is bi. During that concerti action he told me that a year ago he started cutting and cuntinued till around the end of summer this year. During that time period we had dated for like two months then broke up. He also told me that his dad had tried to kill him. He did not tell me why and I kind of want to know but he isn’t ok with telling me and I respect him so I won’t pester him about it. That same week my most recent ex that I still am close with ( will call him ginger) also told me about how he used to self harm and also tried killing himself on three seperate occasions. It was a lot to take in in a week and I felt like I can’t do anything to help them as they are both still majorly depressed. Then two o my other friends told me that they self harm and are depressed. I feel like crap cause I can’t do anything to help them. I am also trying to figure out how I am going to come out to my friends and family that I am bi. About 2 weeks ago I started cutting and not really caring about anything. Right know I don’t feel suicidal but if I was in the middle of a road and a car was heading towards me and wouldn’t stop I wouldn’t really get out of its way. I just don’t know what to do anymore and no one knows what I am going through and they are all oblivious about what is going on with me and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about thats why I am wrighting this massage.
Letter submitted by:
Thank you for the letter. It takes a great deal of courage to broach the subject of self-harming behavior. It seems many of your friends suffer from depression. Witnessing the suffering of our friends is difficult. As you stated, the helplessness, not being able to help them, can compound the issue and create additional stress.
While you can be supportive, you must allow people to find their own way through the difficulties. One can not take the responsibility for someone else’s suffering. Finding a balance bewteen providing support and limiting the additional stress is not easy.
You mentioned starting to cut yourself. You are concerned about your friends. And, you are trying to negotiate the process of coming out yourself. That is a lot to rustle at one time.
When confronted with extreme levels of stress, many people engage in self-harming behaviors, including substance abuse, self-starvation, and cutting. For some, cutting relieves stress or tension. Some people find the physical pain of cutting distracts them from the emotional pain. Some people may be angry at someone in their lives. Cutting themselves provides a means of expressing that anger. Others feel cutting gives them a sense of control while experiencing overwhelming situation or emotions. Still others feel numb or “dead inside” and cutting helps them to feel alive. While cutting may provide temporary relief, it can cause permanent scars, infections and serious, even life threatening medical problems. It can also cause you to feel shame, guilt, depressed and out of control.
There are websites available including www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm that can help you learn about cutting as well as additional things you can do when you have the urge to cut.
It can be very difficult to stop cutting and it would be important to tell a trusted adult about the cutting in order for them to find a therapist for you to work with to find safer and healthier ways to deal with the hard things you’re going through. If you’re not comfortable talking with your parents, you could ask a school counselor for help finding a therapist or call 1-800-DON’T-CUT where you can be referred to a therapist in your area. When you have the urge to cut, you can always call the Trevor lifeline at 1-866-4-U-Trevor (1-866-488-7386) and talk with a Trevor lifeline counselor about what you’re feeling and experiencing as well as your urge to cut which can help to delay or stop the urge to cut. They can also work with you to find a therapist to help you.
Providing your friends with this resource information can be one way to provide them with some support. Remember help is a phone call away. You are not alone in this struggle. Everyone at the Trevor Project cares about you, your friends and your well being. We are here to help. Do not hesitate to call.
The seconed sentence is supposed to say :during that conversation he told me that a year ago he started cutting and continued till around the end of summer this year.
Letter submitted by: