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Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Fallen in love with my Best Friend

Question:

I have always known I was bi. I have always liked girls and guys from a young age. Now I have fallen in love with my best friend who is a girl. It is not like a little crush, I truly love her. I think about her all the time. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about her. I want to date her, and be with her. It is not just a friendship love, it is something more. I care about her more than I care about myself. The problem is for all I know she is straight. I do not know what to do. Also I have not come out to anyone besides my close friends, but not her. She is my best friend, but i also want her to be mine

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Meg,

Thank you so much for taking the time to write AskTrevor.  We are always here to answer any questions that you may have.  It is our pleasure.  Don’t ever hesitate to write us again if you think of any others.  That’s what we are here for!

While your situation is a tough one to be in, it is far more common than you would think.  Coming out to friends and especially best friends can be one of the hardest things to ever do in life, especially at your age.  And then in your case, having huge crush on your best friend complicates it.    My best advice for you is to at least for now just stay best friends with her.  This prevents a potentially damaging reaction from her if she were to feel uncomfortable with how you feel.  But while right now, is probably not the time to share how you feel, that doesn’t mean never.  In the next few years, you can get her opinions and mention comments (indirectly) to see how she feels about bisexuality.  After you realize her opinions, and she doesn’t object, then you just have to wait for the right ‘moment’ that you can have the talk.  Everything will work itself out in the end, and there is no need to rush sharing your feelings, and risking possibly making your friendship either awkward if she were to feel uncomfortable.  Just enjoy what you share together now, test to how she feels about bisexuality, and then wait for the right moment to have the talk with her to share exactly how you feel.

Finally, never forget to be proud of who you are.  You are just as you are meant to be.  Show the world something it has never seen before, a unique you.  All of the puzzle pieces of life will fall into place, with time when you can come out and talk to your friend.  In the meantime, live proud and live you.

Thanks again for emailing us and asking us your question.

“Today you are You, that is truer than true.

There is no one alive who is You-er than You.”

-Dr. Suess

Your friends,

Trevor Staff