Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Family

Question:

My problem with my family is regarding the fact that mainly my mom wont accept my decision on my sexuality. She keeps trying to say I’m not when I am and there is no trying to win an argument with her and not get in trouble for it.My question is WHAT SHOULD I DO BECAUSE I LITERALLY TRIED EVERYTHING? Pleases help!

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thank you for contacting the Trevor Project. You are brave to reach out for help with your question. There are many young LGBTQ people who have a parent, or family member, who wont accept their decision about their sexuality, so you are not alone. It sounds like your Mom argues with you about who you are and doesn’t listen, and then when you speak up, you get in trouble. We are here to listen, and we care about you, and so I’m so glad  that you messaged us.

Have you been able to talk with someone else close to you (like another family member, friend, or teacher) who you trust and feel safe with about your decision on your sexuality and about your Mom’s unwillingness to accept? Talking with this safe person may help give you some ideas about how to move forward. Remember, coming out about your sexuality is your decision, and what’s most important is that you feel safe and comfortable. It can be so hard to feel unaccepted by a parent, but please remember that we accept you, and there are so many people who love you and accept you exactly as you are.

Have you ever let your Mom know how it makes you feel that she wont accept your sexuality? It is possible that after hearing how it affects you, she may think that her action of not accepting you may be hurtful to you and your relationship with each other. Also, consider whether or not it would be best to wait before pushing the issue further with your Mom. Will pushing your Mom put you in any physical or emotional harm? Do you think that your Mom may kick you out of the house? The most important thing is that you are safe.

If you’re comfortable addressing the issue further with her and feel that a different approach may help, here is a resource that might help your Mom or other family members better understand what you’re going through. Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) is a great organization for family members who might have questions about LGBTQ individuals and how to become more supportive. PFLAG has hundreds of chapters nationwide and a list of resources on their website. You can visit them at: http://pflag.org.

Also, the Trevor Project has a great resource called Trevor Space. TrevorSpace is a safe, online social networking site where LGBTQ youth can connect with other LGBTQ youth across the globe. It’s a great way to find a network of likeminded peers in a safe, supportive online space. TrevorSpace can be found at http://trevorspace.org.

In addition to Ask Trevor and TrevorSpace, we also offer TrevorChat. TrevorChat is a free, confidential online messaging service that provides live help through Trevor’s website. TrevorChat is available Friday, Saturday, and Monday between the hours of 1:00pm Pacific (4:00pm Eastern) and 7:00pm Pacific (10:00 pm Eastern). If you are ever in need of time-sensitive assistance, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR.

We’re always here to listen.

-Trevor Staff