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feeling a little gay

Question:

I guess I should start from the beginning. I never thought about being gay before until 7th grade. I go to boarding school and one day I was sleeping in my friend’s room (we’ll call her K) so at first me and K were just talking, then I started touching her legs.  Next thing I know is we’re kissing each others necks. The next day, I was feeling a little weird and confused. But that doesn’t stop us from doing it again. This time going even farther. This happened near the end of the school year. So summer came and we talked heavy. Then I told her that I really had feelings for her, but at the same time, I didn’t want to be gay. K said she Did too so we went out for a little bit. K is like my best friend and adding a sexual thing to it really makes me feel like I’m not hetero sexual. So now its this year and we were roommates, we were doing sexual things. Then she transfers to a different school and comes out the closet and tells every one that she’s gay. sosince she did that I started telling people I was bi. But I don’t want to be any of it, I just want to be straight. There are too many problems with being gay. They tray it like its an ailment. Help!

Answer:

Hi Monica,

I am so glad that you’ve taken the time to write to us.  From your letter, it doesn’t seem that you are currently being bullied or harmed in any way, so that is good.  If I misunderstood and you are in any danger, please contact someone immediately….a trusted adult, friend, or The Trevor Project.  First and foremost, we want to make sure you are safe.

You are at a crazy time in your life now as your body is changing and you are discovering your sexuality…which can be quite confusing at times, especially when we know that there are some people that can make being LGBT difficult.

You didn’t mention if you were still seeing K after she transferred to another school.  If you are not, that may be playing a part in how you are feeling right now.

In trying to understand your sexuality, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight).  For many, it takes many years to develop and discover our sexuality.  Even adults sometimes need to sort through these feelings.  It’s perfectly natural.  The most important thing to remember as you continue to grow is that you are in complete control of how you identify and there is absolutely no rush to answer these questions. Whether straight, bisexual or gay, we’re all the same and we all deserve love and happiness.  As you learn about yourself, you may discover that your are gay, bisexual, or straight…and all of them are perfectly ok.  Wherever you happen to fall in the spectrum of sexuality, that is exactly where you are supposed to be.  You are perfect just the way you are.  Please don’t let other people’s opinions make you feel otherwise.  Whatever your sexuality, be proud of who you are.  Your sexuality does not define you, it is simply a part of you…..a beautiful, complex human being.

Whomever you choose to love in a romantic way will be lucky and you will be lucky to experience that fantastic feeling.

If you want some more information bisexuality at http://www.bisexual.org.

Here is an article about people with questions about being lesbian: http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=730&Itemid=177

In the meantime, at The Trevor Project, we are always here for you. You can also contact us at TrevorChat (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat), TrevorText (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/trevortext) and, as always, if you ever feel like you need to speak with someone please do not hesitate in calling the Trevor help line at 1-866-488-7386. We are always here for you if you need us. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about your sexuality/gender identity.

Trevor Staff