Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Fixing it

Question:

Well, I’ve been saying this for a while now and I am in need of some advice, please. A guy who I am on ” full major crush mode” on knows that I like him. I asked one my friends to tell him for me because I was too much of a coward to tell him myself and I am not really sure how to mend the situation. He’s not mean to me at all and he does know about me “liking guys” but I am getting the feeling that he is avoiding me because he might see me a little different now that he knows. He’s one of my best friends and I still want him to be my friend but I don’t know exactly how to fix what I did. I am terrible at speaking to him and I always trip over my words but I am willing to talk to him if it means getting him back on my side. I just don’t know what to do or how to fix it so please help

 

Answer:

 

Hi Jordan,

Thanks for taking the time to write. There’s nothing quite as painful as an unrequited teenage crush, is there? When that crush is on one of your best friends, things become even more complicated. There’s always a risk involved in making our romantic feelings toward a friend known, we never know how that person will react. In your case, it sounds like your best friend may be a little uncomfortable knowing that you’d like the relationship to be more than it is now.

Is this a problem that you have the ability to fix? Maybe. Perhaps you can casually reach out to your friend over email or IM and let him know that you’re sorry if the revelation of your crush made him uncomfortable, but that it’s not a big deal to you, and you’re totally happy just to be his friend. Since you say he’s not being hostile about your feelings, hopefully he’ll react well to this reassurance from you. You can say something casual to him the next time you see him, like “are we good?” And then continue to treat him like you would any other friend. Perhaps you can invite him to get together with you and some other friends, so that you have a chance to hang out again in a group setting. Once he sees that you’re acting the same around him as you always did (which may be a challenge for you!), he may relax and fall back into the old groove of your friendship.

Even if that’s the case, you may find it hard to be “just friends” with someone that you have feelings for. Only you can decide at that point if the friendship is still working for you. But you won’t be alone. We here at Trevor Project are here to help you navigate this all-too-common teenage dilemma. You may find it helpful to jump on TrevorSpace (trevorspace.org, our online social networking site, where you will no doubt find other young people who are or have been in the same exact spot as you. You can connect with us through TrevorChat or TrevorText, or give us a call on the Trevor Lifeline if you ever need to talk (866-488-7386).

Good Luck!