Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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Half-hearted

Question:

I know you hear this a lot, so here’s another one. I’m not really the best at romance and all that, so meeting other guys is a bit of an issue. I’ve never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) so i’m not entirely sure on what to do or how or where. I live in a very gay friendly city but not really for teens so i’m a little lost, plus I’m a “semi-out” so letting people see me with another guy might complicate things. Now I’m feeling both lost, scared, and worried at the same time. I would really appreciate a little advice please.

 

Answer:

 

It sounds like you know who you are and what you want, which is great! Congratulations on being “semi-out” and ready to start dating.

Since many people don’t come out as LGBT to themselves or others until they’re older, it makes sense you’re having difficulty meeting other guys. Focus on finding LGBT youth and allies in your area. Look online for local Gay-Straight Alliances, local LGBT Youth organizations, drop-in centers and events. These are safe places that will help you meet other LGBT youth and allies, increase your chances of dating, and finding friends that can relate to your process of coming out and starting to date. Just remember that dating can be awkward and challenging regardless of your sexual orientation. It takes some time and experience before it becomes easier. Don’t worry too much about being “semi out.” Coming out is a process, and most people are out to varying degrees. Chances are the guys you’ll meet are not out to everyone either. Being out to varying degrees is something that couples of all ages have to negotiate.

Another great place for you to find other LGBT youth and allies is TrevorSpace.org, The Trevor Project’s social networking site. If you ever need support, The Trevor Lifeline(866.488.7386) is a safe, confidential and available 24/7.