Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

ATTENTION!
Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

Half-hearted

Question:

I know you hear this a lot, so here’s another one. I’m not really the best at romance and all that, so meeting other guys is a bit of an issue. I’ve never had a boyfriend (or girlfriend) so i’m not entirely sure on what to do or how or where. I live in a very gay friendly city but not really for teens so i’m a little lost, plus I’m a “semi-out” so letting people see me with another guy might complicate things. Now I’m feeling both lost, scared, and worried at the same time. I would really appreciate a little advice please.

 

Answer:

 

It sounds like you know who you are and what you want, which is great! Congratulations on being “semi-out” and ready to start dating.

Since many people don’t come out as LGBT to themselves or others until they’re older, it makes sense you’re having difficulty meeting other guys. Focus on finding LGBT youth and allies in your area. Look online for local Gay-Straight Alliances, local LGBT Youth organizations, drop-in centers and events. These are safe places that will help you meet other LGBT youth and allies, increase your chances of dating, and finding friends that can relate to your process of coming out and starting to date. Just remember that dating can be awkward and challenging regardless of your sexual orientation. It takes some time and experience before it becomes easier. Don’t worry too much about being “semi out.” Coming out is a process, and most people are out to varying degrees. Chances are the guys you’ll meet are not out to everyone either. Being out to varying degrees is something that couples of all ages have to negotiate.

Another great place for you to find other LGBT youth and allies is TrevorSpace.org, The Trevor Project’s social networking site. If you ever need support, The Trevor Lifeline(866.488.7386) is a safe, confidential and available 24/7.