Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

Have an Question?

Question:

Hi Trevor

I am Danny Rodgers, I have wrote y’all before for some help in the passed about my Relationship with my boyfriend. It has helped so much! My boyfriend and I are happy and he visits me every other weekend and as well we skype every single day. Life is good right now! Sean has come to almost every Game that i have just to see me March. In 2 weeks he is going to come to my Marching Competition. He loves of what i do. I never had a Boyfriend that cares so much about me and what i do.

I have a little question well for me it is a Big Question. Sean and I have been talking and after i get done with College and he is done with College we want to start a family of our own. When we get to where we want to have kids and start a family, How do we get there. I know there is Adoption but, everyone has told me that Same-Sex Couples can not start a family? Is that True???? I have done some Research but, it does not answer anything that i am wanting. It will be awesome if we can start a family.

One more Question. What is the difference between Love and Lust?? My friends says that i am just Lusting my boyfriend. They also say that i am not really in Love with him cause i am to young. How old can you be when you Fall in Love with someone? I get so down cause of that.. My mom tells me that when i turn 21 then i can love but, a 18 year old can not be in love. Like i do not understand. I thought Lust is when you are just using that person to have sexual encounters with them and leave them the next day. That is not what i do. I plan to have a family with him, a house. I have feelings that it is very undesirable to put into words. Help me understand please

Thank You for answering these questions, and Thank you for everything that you are doing.

Love Danny Rodgers

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Thank you so much for writing to us here again at The Trevor Project. I’m happy to know that we have helped you in the past! It’s a great thing to have someone in your life that you can talk to and care for. You seem so happy with your life right now, and that is amazing. I truly hope for you happiness to continue.

I’m pleased to see that you are thinking of your future and what lies ahead for you and your relationship. You’re very mature and grounded. Starting a family, in any situation, is not a task that should be done without careful thought. It is 100% possible for you to start a family being in a same-sex relationship. There a few options, including adoption and surrogacy. You’ll go through plenty of ups and downs in your life, but know that you can have a family. Which option is better for you and your significant other will be something that will take some thought.

Loving someone and lusting after them can get a little confusing. First, you are not too young. Some people fall in love much younger than you, and then go on to marry their high school girlfriend/boyfriend. Age does not determine love. Lusting after someone usually falls into the category of “sexual desire”, so you can see why love and lust get mixed together. I don’t believe you are lusting after your boyfriend. You want a family and a future with him. That speaks way beyond any definition of “lust”. Please don’t let it bring you down when people say things to you. If you know in your heart what you feel, then that’s all that matters. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. People will always have their opinions about your life, but you choose the way you live it. Don’t let others dictate that.

I hope for you happiness a successful college degree! Thank you again for writing to us here at The Trevor Project. You can head over to Trevor Chat or Trevor Space to find others who may share your questions. You can also call our 24/7 hotline at 866-488-7386 if you need to talk to us. Remember that we are always here for you at The Trevor Project.

 

Sincerely,

Trevor Staff