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Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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hi it’s me again

Question:

I have a lot of problems with my family and my friends. I have been to the hospital many times because I just don’t think anyone cares about me. I have many deep cuts on my arms. I have also been in special hospitals but that still doesn’t help me at all. I have also ran away from home a lot.

The only people I am close to are some kids I met on the streets 2 months ago; they are like my own family. When they see that I am really upset or really angry they know how to make me laugh, or we go and eat some where and talk about it.

I know my parents never care about where I am at. I could get home at 5:00 in the morning and they wont ask me where I was or I can leave for school but not really go to school. What should I do? Could some one please help me? Also could I be hanging out with wrong people? The only person I don’t have trouble with is the boy I told you about who’s gay.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Tanya,

I wish I could give you a big virtual hug right now. I’m really glad you reached out again regarding the feelings you’ve been experiencing; being proactive is not always easy and this does prove that you are a strong and powerful individual. It must be really hard to feel like no one understands what is really going on in the inside and I am truly sorry you have had to deal with this. I know that it may be rough now, but know you can always find a kind ear at the 24/7 Trevor hotline (1-866-4-U-TREVOR / 1-866-488-7386) whenever you feel like talking to someone, especially if you’re considering cutting again.

While in the moment, self harm might be thought of as the best way to forget the current circumstances, know that there are other ways to deal with what you’re feeling. Some people cut themselves as a way of dealing with (or to distract from) difficult or painful emotions. Others feel that cutting gives them a feeling of control when things in life feel out of control. Still others feel numb and cutting helps them feel alive. You may be experiencing some of these issues too with your emotions of feeling alone as well as the stress you’ve been experiencing. If you do feel like cutting, there are ways to help yourself feel better without putting yourself at risk. Think about how you feel before and after you cut yourself. If it helps you when you’re sad, do whatever makes you feel taken care of and comforted. This may be listening to certain songs, focusing on a hobby that you’re really passionate about or writing in a journal to feel better. Tanya, there are also sites available, including www.safe-alternatives.com and www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm, that can help you learn about cutting as well as additional things you can do when you have the urge to cut.

If you’re looking to talk to other young people in a supportive environment coming to terms with similar issues, you can check out TrevorSpace (http://www.trevorspace.org), our social network for LGBTQ youth and allies. It can be a great way to make friends and find support from all around the world. You may find people who can relate their experiences and make new friends along the way.

Also, please consider reaching out to someone you trust, to share these feelings with, preferably an adult like a teacher, neighbor, or school counselor, or your friend you mentioned you get along with. Discussing these issues will help you find the cause of the problems and also hopefully concrete solutions and paths to help you feel better. You said you were ready for help and you deserve it.

Tanya, I want you to know that you’ll always have support here at Trevor. If you’re feeling like you have no one else to talk to, don’t hesitate to reach out again by email or give us a call anytime.

-Trevor Staff