Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

homophobic parent

Question:

Hi my names Rachel and my parents divorced when I was nine. My mom is extremely against gays and so is her new husband. I go with them to a baptist church 3 times a week and I am in a private baptist school. I have to wear skirts and sing gospel. Now here’s the flipside: I go to my dads every other weekend. I can ve myself there. I have the best dad ever. I am a punk rocker I am in karate I have girlfriend. 3 months ago, (2 days before my birthday) I told my mom and stepdad I had a girlfriend. Well needless to say I had the worst bday ever. I had bibles THROWN at me. Anyway, I have only one friend at school, I have no music, phone nothing. No communication. Not with my mom. Could you possibly answer a q for me? How could I find ways to cope with the sadness I feel? I always cry at night…I hate my life…its very hard…I know it makes no sense but I also needed to rant a little…..anyway any suggestions?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Rachel,

What you are going through makes perfect sense, and of course you would need to reach out to someone! I’m so sorry to hear that you are sad and not getting the support you need from your mother and stepfather. No matter what they believe, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Homophobia and throwing ANYTHING at you is never OK. That had to be very hard to go through.

It is great to hear that you can be yourself with your father.Have you talked with your father about how you feel and the way that your mom and stepdad treat you? Do you think you could possibly live with your father full time? If you don’t feel you can talk to your dad, is there another trusted adult you can talk to (a relative, teacher, school counselor, etc.)? The most important thing is that you can find some sources of support, whether through family, friends, an LGBT network or a community service. A support system will help you through the hardest and saddest of times.

Are there any local LGBT support services where you live? Perhaps you can reach out to http://www.indianayouthgroup.org/youth. Even if they aren’t in your area, they might be able to point you in the right direction. I also encourage you to visit Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org. It is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24, their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having similar questions and struggles. If you are feeling sad and that you have no place to turn remember that you can talk to someone 24×7 at Trevor Lifeline 866-4-U-TREVOR (1-800-488 7386). Remember that we’re always here for you!

 

Trevor Staff