Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

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Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

How do I tell my parents I’m Bi?

Question:

Trevor-

How do I tell my parents I’m Bi?

Missa

Original letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi Missa,

It can be very difficult to decide, when and how to come out, especially to your family.  It is very normal to feel nervous and even uncomfortable when thinking about coming out.  Being your full and true self can often give you a huge feeling of relief and can even bring you and your parents closer together.  Coming out can be a very scary thought because you are unsure of how others will reach.  Though it is not easy to predict how your parents will respond, your courage and willingness to be yourself is truly admirable.

It is important to think of how you wish to tell them.  Depending on your relationship with your parents, would it be better in person or perhaps in a letter?  This decision lies within you and only you can decide how best to tell your parents.  Sometimes it is helpful to write your thoughts down on a piece of paper and think about them for a few days so that you feel ready to talk with your parents.  It is always important when coming out to be open, honest, and loving, and explain to your parents how you are feeling, how you have come to terms with your own sexuality, and that you care about them and want them to know the true you.

It has likely taken you quite a while to come to terms with accepting yourself for who you are.  This is often an exciting, yet scary journey.  Try to remember that you have had more time to process this than your parents have had, so they may need some time to let this sink in.  Be sure to be patient and give them the time that they need.  Always keep your lines of communication with your parents open and honest and ask that they also communicate their feelings with you too.

There is a great organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of LGBT individuals) that provides resources on their website (www.pflag.org) to help you and your parents in the coming out process.  They also offer local groups that you and your parents can join if there is one in your area, so that you and your parents can talk with others who are experiencing the same life changes that you are experiencing.

Thank you so much for reaching out to us.  You have shown great courage!  We are always here to support you.  You can contact us at TrevorChat (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat) from 1:00 PM -7:00 PM Pacific Time (4-10 Eastern) on Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. You can also call the Trevor Lifeline 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. And of course, you are also more than welcome to write to us again.

Best wishes for you during this time,
Trevor