Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

How do I tell my parents I’m Bi?

Question:

Trevor-

How do I tell my parents I’m Bi?

Missa

Original letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi Missa,

It can be very difficult to decide, when and how to come out, especially to your family.  It is very normal to feel nervous and even uncomfortable when thinking about coming out.  Being your full and true self can often give you a huge feeling of relief and can even bring you and your parents closer together.  Coming out can be a very scary thought because you are unsure of how others will reach.  Though it is not easy to predict how your parents will respond, your courage and willingness to be yourself is truly admirable.

It is important to think of how you wish to tell them.  Depending on your relationship with your parents, would it be better in person or perhaps in a letter?  This decision lies within you and only you can decide how best to tell your parents.  Sometimes it is helpful to write your thoughts down on a piece of paper and think about them for a few days so that you feel ready to talk with your parents.  It is always important when coming out to be open, honest, and loving, and explain to your parents how you are feeling, how you have come to terms with your own sexuality, and that you care about them and want them to know the true you.

It has likely taken you quite a while to come to terms with accepting yourself for who you are.  This is often an exciting, yet scary journey.  Try to remember that you have had more time to process this than your parents have had, so they may need some time to let this sink in.  Be sure to be patient and give them the time that they need.  Always keep your lines of communication with your parents open and honest and ask that they also communicate their feelings with you too.

There is a great organization called PFLAG (Parents, Families & Friends of LGBT individuals) that provides resources on their website (www.pflag.org) to help you and your parents in the coming out process.  They also offer local groups that you and your parents can join if there is one in your area, so that you and your parents can talk with others who are experiencing the same life changes that you are experiencing.

Thank you so much for reaching out to us.  You have shown great courage!  We are always here to support you.  You can contact us at TrevorChat (http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat) from 1:00 PM -7:00 PM Pacific Time (4-10 Eastern) on Friday, Saturday, Monday, and Tuesday. You can also call the Trevor Lifeline 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386. And of course, you are also more than welcome to write to us again.

Best wishes for you during this time,
Trevor