Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

How to approach my friends?

Question:

Over the last couple years it has taken me a lot of courage to tell a few friends that I am gay. All of my friends have accepted me, but over the past year events have taken place to dramatize everything. It turns out some of my friends have a hard time keeping secrets. Last spring, while under the influence, I let slip that I was gay. About five people found out because of this occasion- or so I thought. It turnabout ten people who I did not tell now know about my sexuality, including two of my best male friends. Some found out because of that night, and others actually knew before that (unknown to me). Nobody has rejected me, but I don’t know whether to approach my male friends about the issue or not. I also got into a big fight with a girl who I accused of telling everyone. I later found out she only told one person, but she has told me she never wants to speak to me again.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

I want to thank you for writing to us at Trevor and to congratulate you
on having the courage to come out. It is not always easy and it takes a
very
brave person to do that. It is a very good sign that no one has
rejected you.
You will see that good friends will be there for you no
matter what and
finding out who those true friends are will come out.
The two male friends
that you have that you have not spoken to, have
they treated you any
differently? Are you still best friends with them?
If things are still the same, it may make feel more comfortable to bring
it up to them and let them
know that you aren’t any different. If
nothing has changed then they probably
are ok but tell them that you
just want to clear the air. As to your friend
that no longer wants to
speak to you, it sounds like she is hurt. If she
means a lot to you,
talk to her. Tell her that this is a difficult time for
and it has been
stressful coming out. Apologize to her that about the fight.
IF she is a
true friend she will understand. The big thing is that you said,
no one
rejected you. You were brave enough to come out, Im sure you are
brave
enough to talk to your friends about it.