Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

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how to tell them

Question:

I have recently discovered I have feelings for girls and I know it’s not just teen hormones; it’s real ! But I have one problem my parents are very old fashion and get grossed out when I talk about my lesbian friend. I have no idea how to tell them but  have to at some point. So can you please gives me a way to tell them and them not just deny it.

Letter submitted by: Anonymous

Answer:

Dear Anonymous,

 

Thanks for reaching out to us! We greatly appreciate it and it shows a lot of courage when trying to confront your issue. When people discover who they really are, there’s a common desire to tell others in your life. It can let people in your life know an important part about you or even make you feel less alone and can even help you make new friends.

 

However, coming out is never an easy process. Some people may not care and be supportive of your coming out, while others may not be as supportive or may need some time to come to terms with your coming out.  When coming out, it is important to make sure that you yourself feel comfortable and safe. If you came out to your parents, what do you think would happen? Some people may choose to wait in their life to reveal a part of themselves to others as time goes on or situations change but if you feel now is the right time, then it’s absolutely fine.  Just make sure you are comfortable and have a safety plan, where you can be possibly financially independent and feel emotionally and physically safe.  When coming out, remind your parents that you are important in their lives.  Whether or not they support you, does not mean that you are a different person. It may take them time to understand.

 

You may find it helpful to write out and rehearse what you are going to say. The human rights campaign resource guide to coming out has great info and advice http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/resource-guide-to-coming-out. There are also resources for your parents if you do choose to come out such as https://community.pflag.org/sslpage.aspx?pid=539. But remember, coming out is a difficult decision that you should only make if you feel safe and comfortable. You are always free to contact the Trevor lifeline if you need someone to talk to at 1-866-488-7386 or feel free to use Trevor Chat.

 

Best Wishes,

Trevor Staff