Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386. All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to hotlines outside the United States: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

I am a gay teen who has a crush on a cute boy, he is also gay, but neither of us knows how to ask the other out.

Question:

My name is David, and I am a gay teen in Iowa, I have a crush on this boy at school, he is also gay. we often have moments when we try to talk to each other, but neither of us knows what to say. I am a senior, and this may be my last chance at love, ho do we share our feelings with each other?

Answer:

Hi David,

“Breaking the ice” can be one of the most difficult parts of dating. So, you are not alone in wondering how to approach your crush. From your letter, it sounds like there is mutual interest. Sometimes making conversation begins as a mechanical process. But, once the ice is broken, you may find conversation becoming easier. With familiarity, talking to one another may become easier.

Do you have anything in common? Any classes, any hobbies, favorite TV shows, favorite music? These are good places to start. You can start with some trivial things. You could make some simple observations. “That is a cool shirt.” If he is holding some books, you could ask about the class. “Hey, how is Biology?” SImple questions or topics will serve as a bridge.

You could simply ask to share an activity. “Wanna go see a movie?” “Wanna go grab a burger?” Sometimes, there is a lot of pressure to “go on a date”. A date is really an opportunity to get to know someone a little bit better. As you get to know each other, you will discover common interests. Those are the things that will provide opportunities to spend time together. As you spend time together, you will get a better sense of each other. Developing a friendship will provide a good foundation for a possible romance.

Trevorspace, at www.trevorspace.org, is the Trevor Project’s safe, online social networking site for LGBTQ young people ages 13 to 24 their friends and allies. It’s a great supportive community where you can connect with others who might have had or are having the same questions that you’re having about dating. You may be able to get some more ideas from some peers.

And, if all else fails, just smile. That will communicate your interest. Good Luck!!!!