Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Hope you are having a great summer!

I am confused on who I am

Question:

So ever since I was really little, I always always always said I wanted to be a guy. When I was about 10 I watched a surgery on TV of a man transitioning to a woman. The moment I found out about it I instantly wanted to do that. I grew up kinda normal I guess. My uncle died when I was 9. My parents split, and I fell into depression in the 7th grade. I had a girlfriend in 8th grade who almost killed me, she choked me till I blacked out. And now here I am in 11th grade, questioning my gender. I don’t know if I am really a boy hiding in a girls body. But I do know I have all these thoughts of if i was a guy I’d do this, this, and this. I’m always saying if i was a guy I’d do specific things. I always said growing up that if I was a guy I’d be gay or bi. And I mean guys are attractive but i don’t sex with them as a girl. As a girl I love girls, I’m just afraid I can’t make them happy in a sexual way. I don’t know if that makes any sense. But I am really confused. Last night I thought about killing myself and hurting myself and thats bad, I got out of a hospital a yeaar ago for trying to kill myself. And honestly I don’t want to go through that again. I talked to my dad last night and he wants me to figure this all out when im 20 not now, but I have this need to know. I’ve always been uncomfortable with being a girl and what not. But is this me just having a break down. Am I trans? Am I crazy? Do I need to seek medical attention again? Someone help :[ and I have a therapist, just not a gender therapist. I’m only 17 so I don’t know how I’d speak to one if my dad wants to hold this off.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hey Amber,

Thank you so much for your letter. I want you to know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal and something that a lot of people go through during this period of their lives. You’ve held on to these thoughts for a while and this is often the time in a person’s life where they really start figuring out who they are and really want to do and be in their life.

It’s incredibly important to feel comfortable in your own skin and love who you are. Many people find themselves struggling to please other people and are more worried about what someone else would want versus what they really want. Don’t define your sexuality based on societal norms or what you think someone else would want of you. What is it that is going to make you truly happy?  I want to assure you that everything you are thinking and feeling is absolutely normal. As far as whether you want to be classified as a lesbian or whether you would want to covert to being male, I think that would depend on who you are most comfortable with. Don’t try to rush into anything.  The most important thing is for you to be happy with yourself. If that takes time to figure out then take all the time you need. Is there anyone you can talk to aside from your father that would be open and willing to listen to how you are feeling such as a friend or an adult you can trust? Sometimes having that person you can open with can really help you figure out what you are feeling and want.

If you find that you would like to talk to someone feel free to write us back at AskTrevor or you can also utilize TrevorChat or TrevorSpace. These are good places to talk to others who are struggling with the same things as you and may be a really good place to find a friend who can listen and understand. I hope that this letter helps you and you find peace in finding others who may be just like you. You are never alone.

 

Trevor Staff