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I am probably bi

Question:

Dear Trevor,
Recently, I have come to the conclusion that I am probably bisexual. I am perfectly fine with this. However, the place where I live is very homophobic. My parents think LGBT people are disgusting and always make comments about it. At my school, you have a few lesbian or gay people, but not that many. I only have about 1 or 2 people that I think I would be able to talk to about this, but I am scared to because I do not know how they would react. I do not know what to do! I want to talk to somebody about this, to confirm that I really am bisexual, but I have no one to talk about these feeling with.

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi,

I’m glad that you wrote. And, I am happy we can be here for you. It sounds like you are dealing with a really tough situation. It’s so hard to figure out who you can trust to confide in, and how to come out to the people in your life. Even though this can be confusing and difficult, it sounds like you are doing a really good job of thinking things through and figuring this out. I have a TON of respect for you for knowing that the homophobic people around you are the ones who are wrong, and for being totally OK with being bisexual.

First of all – there’s no rush! If it seems like right now is not the best time to come out, then don’t pressure yourself to do so until the time is right. Give yourself some time to think. However, it sounds like you know of a couple people in your life who you are comfortable discussing this with, but are unsure of what their reaction will be.  There are a couple of things you can do to try to prepare: first, you can talk through an imaginary conversation with that person, either in your head, or even out loud can help (also, we are happy to do this with you if you want to call us – we can act out the whole situation so that you feel more comfortable with what you will say. More on that later – our phone number is below). Another way to prepare is to get the person to comment on a similar situation – maybe get them to watch a movie or TV show with you that deals with a character coming out, and then, in a casual way mention it, to try to get them to talk about the topic and get an idea of how they feel and how they might react to it if it were an actual conversation about you coming out. Really, since you know these people better than me, it is up to you to make the best decision about who you can you trust and can confide in.

The answers will all come from you, but it can really help just to have someone to talk to about all of this. Give yourself time to figure it all out, and when the time comes, you can begin to come out, just one person at a time. With each person, it will get easier.

Whatever gender and whoever you are attracted to, there is nothing wrong or weird about it. It’s totally normal to like guys or girls or both. And, you’re smart enough to know that the people who criticize you, or are homophobic  are the ones who are wrong.

I want to let you know that we are here to talk, anytime you want – 24 hours a day, every day. We would love to talk with you and help you through this. The number is 866-4-U-Trevor (866-488-7386). If talking isn’t your thing, we also have an instant messenger chat, which you can talk in real time with us. That’s available through our website (TheTrevorProject.org). And, we also have something called TrevorSpace.org which is kind of like a Facebook but just for lesbian, gay, bisexuals, transgender and questioning young people, up to age 24. And it’s moderated, so it’s a safe place to chat with people your age who are going through similar situations and may have good advice on how to deal with them. If you want to find out some more about bisexuality, check out these two sites: bisexual.org/resources and: biresource.net

I hope that you this helps you. Like I said, I think you are doing a great job of handling all of this. I hope you give us a call sometime.

Your friend,

Trevor