Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online question and answer resource for young people who have questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity.

On September 1st, Ask Trevor will be transitioning to become a broader more effective resource for LGBTQ young people and their allies. This means we will no longer be accepting incoming letters starting on Tuesday, September 2nd. However, if you send us a letter before September 2nd, you will receive a response. Please note that your wait time may be longer than usual. In the meantime, please continue to browse through our extensive library of previously answered letters, and stay tuned for what’s coming next!

If you are feeling suicidal, or need to talk to someone right away, please call the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-488-7386. It’s available 24/7, 365 days a year. You can also chat with a Trevor counselor at Trvr.org/Chat from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. PT / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. ET.

Please note: If you live outside of the United States and need to talk to someone, please seek help at the nearest emergency room or check out the following international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

You are never alone. Thank you for reaching out to The Trevor Project for support!

I am very confused


I am very confused. I never felt like this before. I always liked boys but now I am turned on by girls. I want to be with a man in a relationship but I don’t enjoy intimacy with them. What do I do?

Submitted by


Dear confused.

It is great that you are reaching out to get help with understanding your feelings. Sexuality is complicated and it is very normal to have sexual feelings for people of the same sex as well as for the opposite sex. Some people do experience attraction only for one sex or the other but it is a normal part of development for many people to have attractions to both sexes. People who continue to have these feelings throughout their life often consider themselves to be bisexual.  Many people have attraction for both sexes but only want to act on the feelings for one sex which can be the same sex or a different sex. It is very important to know that these feelings are natural and normal.

Over time you will likely begin to understand the feelings you are having. It often is very helpful to discuss these feelings with a trusted adult such as a parent or a teacher or counselor at school. Other options include chatting with a counselor on Trevor chat on Friday, Saturday or Monday from 4-10 PM eastern time. You can get on Treveor chat by going to this link: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat.

Trevor Space is another great option to talk with peers. You can sign up for Trevor Space at this link: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat

If you ever feel that you are in urgent need of talking directly with a counselor you can call a counselor 24 hours a day 7 days a week at 1-866 488- 7386. You have taken an important first step by writing this letter. I encourage you to continue to explore your feelings and over time it is very likely you will better understand what will work best for you in your life.

All my best,