Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I am very confused


I am very confused. I never felt like this before. I always liked boys but now I am turned on by girls. I want to be with a man in a relationship but I don’t enjoy intimacy with them. What do I do?

Submitted by


Dear confused.

It is great that you are reaching out to get help with understanding your feelings. Sexuality is complicated and it is very normal to have sexual feelings for people of the same sex as well as for the opposite sex. Some people do experience attraction only for one sex or the other but it is a normal part of development for many people to have attractions to both sexes. People who continue to have these feelings throughout their life often consider themselves to be bisexual.  Many people have attraction for both sexes but only want to act on the feelings for one sex which can be the same sex or a different sex. It is very important to know that these feelings are natural and normal.

Over time you will likely begin to understand the feelings you are having. It often is very helpful to discuss these feelings with a trusted adult such as a parent or a teacher or counselor at school. Other options include chatting with a counselor on Trevor chat on Friday, Saturday or Monday from 4-10 PM eastern time. You can get on Treveor chat by going to this link: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat.

Trevor Space is another great option to talk with peers. You can sign up for Trevor Space at this link: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat

If you ever feel that you are in urgent need of talking directly with a counselor you can call a counselor 24 hours a day 7 days a week at 1-866 488- 7386. You have taken an important first step by writing this letter. I encourage you to continue to explore your feelings and over time it is very likely you will better understand what will work best for you in your life.

All my best,