Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

Before submitting a letter, please be aware that letters are experiencing a longer than normal wait period. If you are in immediate crisis, please call The Trevor Lifeline at 866-488-7386.
All calls are confidential and toll-free from anywhere in the United States, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Please don’t hesitate to reach out. You are not alone.

You can also access TrevorChat, our crisis chat service, at: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/pages/get-help-now available 7 days a week from 12:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Pacific / 3:00 p.m. - 9:00 p.m. Eastern.

Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I date boys and girls and its like she hates me


I’ve been bisexual since I was about 13, but I never admitted it to myself until I was about 15. My grandmother had a friend that was a lesbian who tried to make a pass at her one day.  Since then, she has hated gays, so now she’s always telling me I’m not gay and that I’m going to burn in hell because being gay is disgusting.

I tried being honest with her but nothing ever seems to work. So I started dating only guys, but that didn’t make her happy either. I knew I was bisexual but I just tried to keep it away from her, but no matter what i do shes never OK with who I am. I date boys and she doesn’t like it. I date boys and girls and it’s like she hates me and I don’t know what to do.


Submitted by



Thanks so much for writing to us, it takes so much courage to seek help and support with something so personal. Coming out and accepting who you are is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It means you have the courage and confidence to love yourself for who you truly are. At such a young age where you can accept a part of your identity is amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. Coming out and coming to terms with your sexual orientation is not an easy task. At times, there will be people in our lives, even people we consider to be the closest to us, who may not understand the obstacles that the LGBT community, especially youth face. There are some individuals who may have had a negative or uncomfortable experience that has affected how they view the same population in a singular way, and that is what it seems like to be the case with your grandmother.

Know that you are NOT disgusting and you should be so proud of yourself for being honest with someone who means so much to you. There are some resources we’d like to offer you that may be helpful in thinking about questions you may want to ask or starting points for conversations you may want to have with your grandmother. That way, you both can have a productive conversation, so that she may understand what you must be going through and how you want her to be  a part of your life. PFLAG – Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays has a wonderful resource site that has articles, FAQs and blogs that surround talking about your identity and coming out to family members. It also has some neat things for family members to read to have a better understanding of you.  WWW.PFLAG.Org

Remember, The Trevor Team is always here for you if you need someone to chat with. Feel free to write us again or if you need to chat with someone on the phone, call the hotline (866.488.7386 ).

The Trevor Team