Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Hope you are having a great summer!

I date boys and girls and its like she hates me

Question:

I’ve been bisexual since I was about 13, but I never admitted it to myself until I was about 15. My grandmother had a friend that was a lesbian who tried to make a pass at her one day.  Since then, she has hated gays, so now she’s always telling me I’m not gay and that I’m going to burn in hell because being gay is disgusting.

I tried being honest with her but nothing ever seems to work. So I started dating only guys, but that didn’t make her happy either. I knew I was bisexual but I just tried to keep it away from her, but no matter what i do shes never OK with who I am. I date boys and she doesn’t like it. I date boys and girls and it’s like she hates me and I don’t know what to do.

PLEASE HELP…

Submitted by

Answer:

Hello,

Thanks so much for writing to us, it takes so much courage to seek help and support with something so personal. Coming out and accepting who you are is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. It means you have the courage and confidence to love yourself for who you truly are. At such a young age where you can accept a part of your identity is amazing and you should be so proud of yourself. Coming out and coming to terms with your sexual orientation is not an easy task. At times, there will be people in our lives, even people we consider to be the closest to us, who may not understand the obstacles that the LGBT community, especially youth face. There are some individuals who may have had a negative or uncomfortable experience that has affected how they view the same population in a singular way, and that is what it seems like to be the case with your grandmother.

Know that you are NOT disgusting and you should be so proud of yourself for being honest with someone who means so much to you. There are some resources we’d like to offer you that may be helpful in thinking about questions you may want to ask or starting points for conversations you may want to have with your grandmother. That way, you both can have a productive conversation, so that she may understand what you must be going through and how you want her to be  a part of your life. PFLAG – Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays has a wonderful resource site that has articles, FAQs and blogs that surround talking about your identity and coming out to family members. It also has some neat things for family members to read to have a better understanding of you.  WWW.PFLAG.Org

Remember, The Trevor Team is always here for you if you need someone to chat with. Feel free to write us again or if you need to chat with someone on the phone, call the hotline (866.488.7386 ).

The Trevor Team