Welcome to Ask Trevor

Welcome to Ask Trevor
Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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Please note: If you reside outside the United States and you are currently in crisis or suicidal, you will not be able to access The Trevor Lifeline or TrevorChat. If you are outside of the U.S. and need to talk to someone immediately, please see the following link to international hotlines: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html. If you are suicidal, please seek help at the nearest emergency room.

Your letters are very important to us and all letters will be reviewed and responded to in the near future.

Hope you are having a great summer!

I destroyed my life

Question:

I really liked a girl in high school, but then this guy putted in my way so I started like talking to him and I finished falling in love with him, then I got closer and closer and this day I was jocking with him about hot guys, hot famous guys and I told him that he was my boyfriend and he laughed and kissed me and I just returned the kiss, then we start chating and telling that we love each other, then he started like stalking me at school and I just started ignoring him at school but I always apologized by telephone or chat or anything, but then he got tired and told me that he is tired of me. That night I felt so bad and wrong I cuted myself and he hates me, I text him, call him, tweet him and he just hates me. what should i do?

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Hi there,

It sounds like you’re going through a lot right now, but I want you to know that you can make it through it all. What you’re feeling in regards to your sexuality is completely natural and normal – whether you like guys, girls, or both, it’s all natural and healthy. But while it’s hard to go through something like a break-up, I worry about the fact that you mentioned cutting yourself. People sometimes use cutting as a way to deal with stressful situations. Sometimes when a person feels overwhelmed with life, angry with themselves or another person, or “numb”, they use cutting to distract themselves, release their anger, or to make them feel “alive”. You may be experiencing some of this right now in reaction to what is going on with the boy that you mentioned.

Keep in mind that cutting can have very harmful effects. While it may help you feel good for a moment, it can cause permanent scarring, infection, and potentially fatal problems if you cut a major blood vessel. Whenever you feel the urge to cut, try channeling that urge through something else. If you’re sad, find something to comfort you, like music or your favorite food. If you’re angry, trying punching a pillow, stomping your feet, or flattening an empty can of soda. You can also try writing in a journal or drawing to express your thoughts, or running if you need some physical movement. If you’re feeling “numb”, try putting your hands in cold water or stomping your feet. You can also visit  www.safe-alternatives.com and http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm for more information and alternatives.

If you find that you can’t stop cutting, please seek help. Talk to an adult whom you can trust, like a parent or a school counselor, so that they can find you the help you need, such as a therapist. If you don’t feel comfortable approaching someone, you can call 1-800-DON’T- CUT or the Trevor Lifeline at 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386) to discuss what you’re going through and talk to someone who can help you find the help you need.

You may be confused about your sexual identity, but, again, remember that no matter who you like, everything is natural. Remember that a person’s sexuality is made up of their physical, romantic, and emotional attraction to another person. If you’re confused, try to think about who you’ve had crushes on in the past – guys, girls, or both? No matter what, it’s all normal and healthy! Just be yourself and be honest! I encourage you to talk to someone about this, as well. Try talking to someone you can trust. Expressing your feelings about your sexuality may help you figure things out a little more. You may also want to reach out to the boy you mentioned. Though he may have hurt your feelings, keep in mind that you may have also hurt his. Try having an honest conversation with him. You may find that by expressing your feelings openly, you’ll be able to make amends and move forward. If he continues to ignore you, then I suggest you respect his space and try to focus on something else. Remember, there are other people out there for you to love and be loved by! If you have any questions about your sexuality, you should visit http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view &id=726&Itemid=336 for more information.

I also encourage you to keep in touch with The Trevor Project community. You can find an accepting community through TrevorSpace, The Trevor Project’s social network designed for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. There is also always someone to offer you advice, either through our online chat service TrevorChat, located at http://www.thetrevorproject.org/chat, or through our lifeline, which you can reach by calling 1-866-488-7386.

I know that writing a letter may have been difficult, but I am so proud of the step you took. And always remember: You are safe. You are loved. You can handle this.

Yours,

The Trevor Project

 

Trevor Staff