Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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I don’t know if I’m bisexual or not.

Question:

Dear Trevor,
Hi, my name is Sam and I’m questioning my sexual orientation. I don’t know if I’m bisexual or not. For the most part I like guys, but then there are some girls that I kind of like. I get nervous to talk to them, which has never happened before. There are a few girls that I do like, but I don’t know if that makes me bisexual or not. Most of the time when I start to like a girl, her personality wins me over more than her looks usually. This may be kind of confusing, because it’s difficult trying to find the right words to describe it. It’s very hard to describe, but when i like a girl, it’s more like a crush someone would have in elementary school. I’m really confused about my sexuality, because I usually don’t get nervous talking to people unless I really like them. any advice?

Thanks,
Sam

Original letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Sam,

I’m glad that you wrote to us at Ask Trevor. Sexuality can be confusing, but you should know that it is natural to have questions about this. Everyone’s path is different in discovering their sexuality and you have already taken big steps in exploring your own sexuality just by thinking about it and writing to us.

In terms of your confusion about being bisexual, it might help to remember that sexual orientation involves emotional, romantic as well as physical feelings and attraction for people of both genders (bisexual), people of the same gender (lesbian and gay), and people of the opposite gender (heterosexual or straight). You can ask yourself some questions such as: Who do you have crushes or find yourself wanting to be physically close to? Do you fantasize about being with girls, boys or both?  Who can you see yourself connecting with emotionally and physically?

If you feel comfortable, you could also speak with a trusted friend or adult about your feelings. You are still young so it may take time to figure out your sexuality, but being able to talk openly with someone might help you come to some conclusions.

There are some online resources you can use as well. You can go to www.bisexual.org and click on Bisexuality-General Information to find more information. I also encourage you to check out www.trevorspace.org. This is The Trevor Project’s online social network for LGBTQ youth ages 13-24. This is a safe space for you to connect with other young people with similar questions, and find a supportive network of peers. You’ll find that you’re not alone and that there are people you can reach out to for support.

 

Sincerely,
Trevor