Welcome to Ask Trevor

Ask Trevor is an online, non-time sensitive question and answer resource for young people with questions surrounding sexual orientation and gender identity. Browse the published letters or submit your own letter.

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I don’t know what I am

Question:

Dear Trevor Project,

My father is gay. My best friend is gay. All my guy friends are gay. Now I’m wondering about myself. I like to think I’m straight, but lately I’ve been noticing other girls a lot more. I’ll be sitting in class and happen to look up and notice the girl in front of me’s shoulders. Suddenly I’m imagining running my hands down her arms, resting them on her tiny waist, or holding her in my arms. It’s not her specifically, when I imagine these things the face is always hidden. I also have a crush on an adult woman, she’s just so beautiful and sweet and fun to be with. Now I like guys, I know I do. I’ve done great with my boyfriends and loved a few of them, on TV shows and movies I always notice the guys not the girls, but there are just a few girls that make me turn my head. What does that mean? Am I straight? Questioning? Bi?

A

Letter submitted by:

Answer:

Dear Amanda,

It think it’s amazing that you are able to be so open and rational about something that could be a very confusing situation. It seems that since you have many LGBTQ persons in your life, you are comfortable with the idea of being LGBT yourself, but just not sure which category you fall into. And that is totally okay! You don’t have to fall into any category. It is completely normal to question your sexual orientation, and when you come to your answer, whatever that is will make sense to you and be right for you. There is no “right” thing to be, and there is no rush to figure it out. However long it takes you to be sure about who you are is perfectly fine. And it is possible that your sexual orientation will be something that can change throughout your life.

Your sexual orientation is not just defined by your physical desires for another person, but also by your emotional desires, which, at many times, can be incredibly confusing. The fact that you are physically attracted to girls, or imagine yourself being intimate with them, can be a sign that you might possibly be bisexual or lesbian. But you have also been in relationships with boys, as you have said, which could point to you being bisexual.

What I think is so great is that it sounds like regardless of your sexual orientation, you have great support amongst your friends and family, and that you will be accepted fully by all the people that you love.

There are a few resources that might help you get a more clear idea about your sexual orientation. There is a website called bisexual.org, which has a lot of really get information under their “Resources” section.

Trevor Space (www.trevorspace.org) is also a great place to talk to people who are feeling very similar things as yourself, questioning their sexual identity and struggling with not being sure about who they are. Also, in case you ever need to talk to someone right away, you can always call the Trevor Lifeline 24/7/365 at 866-488-7386.

I wish you the best of luck on your journey of self discovery. Please have hope that it will all work itself out. And don’t hesitate to reach out to us again if you need anything at all. We’re always here for you.

Trevor Staff